A journey called Life

Of Nashes, Zuckerbergs, Gates and Jobs

2011-01-03T09:44:00.002+05:30

I love reading and watching biographies. Specially those of people who have cracked it big time (well, there are not too many biographies of people who dont make it big ;) ). Yesterday night I saw the movie "The social network", which according to the the makers of the movie is the real story of the founding of Facebook - although Zuckerberg says he would have liked to be portrayed a bit less negative - and I was left wondering that there are so many things these Zuckerbergs & Jobs & Gates and for that matter the Nashes (A beautiful mind) have in common. To point out some of them

All lost in their own little world, little to do with what others think and do
All filled with passion to do what they like to do
All with tremendous confidence in the idea they wanted to bring to life
None with aspirations of money. None of them ran after the money, rather money came to them accompanying the satisfaction of doing what they really wanted to do
All having the vision and the capability of thinking big and looking beyond borders and boundaries

Time and again people come up and stand out among the crowd of millions. Time and again someone somewhere comes up with an idea that many have thought of but few had the courage to sit down and give it a try. Few had the dedication and the commitment to go forward with it and to believe that it might shape into something big or even something "working".

While we were busy worrying about where the stock market is going or where we would go for our next vacations or from where will our next salary cheque come from, someone somewhere was so busy giving shape to his dream that nothing else seemed to matter.

Dreams come true when you dare to pursue them, when you dare to sacrifice your comfort, your leisure, your life. When loosing a couple of years of your life seems so insignificant in front of the dream you want to realize that you dont even think twice before giving them up. We love to live in our zone of comfort, spending years after years doing which least interests us, saving for a "tomorrow" which will never come, investing in houses, in something we can call "ours" & among all this we forget to invest in us, in what we really want to do or at some point in life we really wanted to so, which now seems to be a lost dream.

Lots of things to change and lots of decisions to be made but I am glad to realize that it is never too late :)

That state of mind, yet again

2010-12-30T03:51:00.003+05:30

Too many ambitions, too many things to do, too many plans in my minds, too much tiredness, too many self-expectations, too much of inspiration, too many role models to follow .. am going crazy, again.

The good news among all this is finally I've got a plan, or maybe a couple of them. Maybe it is only the rush of the moment or maybe the travel of the last two weeks is taking it's toll but I feel really drained of energy. I feel like going invisible and its that same feeling of restlessness and depression creeping in.

This existential crisis is nothing new but each time has a bigger magnitude. Every new idea intrigues me and I feel like jumping into it. Every higher level of existence seems so much satisfying that I feel myself useless at my own level. So much to do, so much to learn, so much to recuperate. I feel like running out of time or maybe I myself am running through the time without doing anything :) Feel like taking a break, but a break from what?

I need a cleanup ... need to trash old rotting ideas and rotting memories. Need to remove all the negativity and maybe, yet again, need some resolutions :)

Nahi rakhta dil mein kuch

2010-07-21T03:04:00.001+05:30

Nahi rakhta dil mein kuch,
Rakhta hoon zubaan par,
samjhe na apne bhi kabhi.
Kah nahi sakta main kya,
sahtaa hoon chupa kar,
Ek aesi aadat hai meri


Raste na badle na badla jahan,
Phir kyon badalte kadam hain yahan

Wanted - Friends!!!

2010-01-28T05:15:00.003+05:30

There are times in life when you need someone who can listen without having prejudices and can understand what really is going on inside you. Someone who doesnt question your decisions, rather tries to undertand why you did, what you did. Someone who doesnt laugh or make fun of things which dont make sense to the rest of the world but are perfectly logical for you. Someone who can tell you "I understand" and really does. Someone who can peek inside you and see the storm brewing, and instead of adding to the intensity can guide you safely towards the shore.

You have people around, but most of them have some reason or the other for not being the person you want them to be. There are women, who can listen to you and advise you, but you know that in reality they want something else, so you know its not worth talking. Then there are men, who are so lost in their own sense of masculinity and their own "higher" level of existence that talking to them is like loosing your self confidence.

I miss Aakash ... I miss Amit ... I miss my friend Amir ... I miss talking to them, I miss opening my heart in front of them, I miss explaining them how much they mean to me. At times when I feel alone, when I feel I need to talk to someone, when I feel I am being killed by all that I have in my mind, I find myself alone; being stared upon by hundreds of people as someone who has "changed", as someone who "is not the same", as someone who "doesnt appear like the person he really is", as a liar, as a cheater, as someone who cant be trusted upon.

I need friends ... anyone?

When you know

2009-06-26T09:58:00.000+05:30

When you know that you know who you love, you can't deny it.
Or go back, or give up, or pretend that you don't buy it.
When it's clear this time you've found the one, you'll never let him go
Cos you know and you know that you know.

When you feel in your skin in your bones and the hollow
Of your heart, there's no way you can wait till tomorrow.
When there isn't any doubt about it once you come this close
Cos you know and you know that you know.

You can feel love's around you like the sky 'round blue
This is how love has found you, now you know what to do.

When you know that you know who you need, you can't deny it.
Or go back, or give up, or pretend that you don't buy it.
When it's clear this time you've found the one, you'll never let him go
Cos you know and you know that you know.

Happy Birthday Pedro

2009-04-16T06:49:00.003+05:30

Pedro was not able to understand what was happening; the place which had been his home for the past nine months was in a kind of a huge turmoil. The usual peace and calm seemed to have changed to some sort of abnormal restlessness; he could feel the jostling and the struggle. It was not long before he sensed that he was actually being forced out of his home. Unable to understand what was happening and why it was happening he closed his eyes and waited for peace to return; but that was not going to happen soon.

With a sudden gush of oddly smelling air, much different and lighter than what he was used to breathe, he felt someone holding his head with one hand and his arms by other and trying to pull him out. Totally amazed by the sudden change of surroundings and surprised by the new things he was able to see, Pedro felt helpless in the hands of a complete stranger. When he opened his eyes he could see a dozen unknown faces and a lady lying on a bed with tears and a smile at the same time on her pink sweaty face. While he was trying to understand what exactly has happened, someone pinched him hard on his stomach. “Ouch!!! My God” he screamed and couldn’t help himself from bursting into tears. While he was crying his lungs out he was surprised to see that his tears brought huge wide smiles on the faces of others.

Apart from the people present in the room, there was someone else smiling high above in the sky. He stared at the little kid and whispered with a grin on his face – Happy Birthday Pedro.

Marley and Me

2009-01-18T10:59:00.003+05:30

If you think that this post is anything about the movie, then I'm sorry to disappoint you. Though the movie is the reason that it has been written, I am leaving it upon you to see how and what the movie actually is.

We never had pets. One of the reason being the belief of my father that he wont be able to accommodate one more animal in the house after me and my brother. Now that I am away from my family and maybe would be starting my own in a couple of years, I think whether I would be having one. I have always read, heard and even seen that pets bring a lot of joy and happiness into people's life and somehow manage to disturb the stagnancy which often creeps in monotonous lives. If I would really be ready to have one at some point in my life, is really a point with lot of ambiguity.

The one and only apparent reason which I can see stopping me to take that step would be the fear of loss. Against the advice of wise men, I often get attached to small things; living and non living. And when I loose them, I am not able to get over them for a long period of time. Though I have not experienced a loss of anything "living" till now, but the fact that the loss of a non-breathing object imparts such a pain inside me, really scares the hell out of me when I think about the former kind of loss. I know for sure that it would be heart breaking and maybe remain inside me for a long time. So to be safe and sure, I don't think I would take such a chance ever.

Well, life is a anything but predictable. Who knows one day a post comes up on this blog describing how much fun a pet has brought into my life. As of now, it seems a distant possibility. Whatever future has in store, I would always remember these lines from the movie (not the exact wordings) -

How many people in this world make you feel special? How many make you feel extraordinary? How many of them love you the way you are? A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, educated or illiterate, clever or dull. Give him your heart and he will give you his.

Not so lucky

2009-01-14T07:30:00.004+05:30

Well, against my expectations, he didnt show up. I waited for around 1 hour but no one came.

Cannot do anything about it, but yeah - another lesson learnt. Hope I am able to build on this experience.

Oh no!! Not again :(

2009-01-13T21:46:00.001+05:30

Well, time and again I have promised myself not to be careless. But I think this particular character trait is permanently engraved inside me. To the series of losses I have incurred, a new was added today morning – My cellphone, Nokia N95.

I went for running in the morning with the phone in my pocket, as I always do and as I am doing for the past many years. I ran for around 40 minutes and returned back home only to realize that the phone is missing from my pocket. I ran back to all the places I expected it to be, but no use; it was gone.

I came back home and tried calling the number. Initially, no one picked up but later some guy picked and asked who is calling? As my Spanish is not good, I was not able to speak to him and soon he hung up. I rushed to office, so that I could make someone from office talk to him. One of my friends called the number again and talked to the guy. Seemingly, the guy is ready to return the phone but wants money in return. He is not asking for much money (around 5 USD) but is insisting to meet only sometime in the evening. He has agreed upon the time and the place – 7PM near my house. To make things more interesting, my phone doesn’t have enough battery and it can switch off anytime during the day.

It is 10 AM right now and I cant wait for the clock to strike 7. I cannot even explain what kind of thoughts are running in my mind right now. Maybe it is Karma; you do wrong and you get wrong in return. But I do not remember doing much wrong in the recent past. Whatever it is, though my mind is telling me to give up the hope and be prepared to buy a new one, my heart is clinging hard to the thin string of expectations that the guy maybe is not as bad as I suppose him to be. Maybe there are still some good people in this world.

I made some promises to myself; about things which I would stick to if I get the phone back. I would like to make them public, so that I won’t forget them soon after I get the phone (if at all I get it)

I would never carry my phone for running.
I would stick to the schedule I made a couple of days back and which I am not following due to laziness.
I would do all the things which I know I should and I am not doing anyways.
Finally, a promise which I always make to myself – I will start being careful.

Will update the blog in the evening if (or not) I get my phone.

Avocado y Guacamole

2008-10-28T03:10:00.005+05:30

Avocado is something I never heard of before I came to Mexico. My first personal encounter with the fruit was quite amazing. Before I start describing that, I want you to know what exactly an Avocado is.

Avocado or more commonly known as aguacate in the Spanish speaking world is a pear shaped fruit with an egg shaped seed at the center. I have seen two variants of the fruit – one with a hard outer inedible coating which has to be removed before you eat it & another with a thin blackish-purple skin which can be eaten along with the fruit. This fruit has a buttery texture similar to how a banana feels if you peel it and hold it in your hand (that slippery greasy touch). It is light green in color from inside and has a mild taste. See here for more details.

I have been eating this fruit almost as early as 2 months after I arrived to Mexico. The main source of it was the Taco shop just outside my office. The guy at the shop used to put it in my tacos. Also, I ate it in the form of Guacamole at the local restaurants but that started only since a couple of months back when I started eating Mexican food frequently. While living with my Indian friends I never experimented much in terms of food and always stuck to basic Indian cooking. But now that I got an independent apartment with more freedom in terms of choice and variety of cooking I decided to explore the available options. Including Avocado in my cooking was the first thing which crossed my mind. I bought a couple of them during one of my visits to the local super.

It was the first time I was buying Avocados & hence I had no idea how to choose them. I just bought three good looking “firm” fruits and came back home. I had seen the man at the Taco shop peeling and putting them in the food and hence I knew that the fruit was expected to be soft and creamy. But the ones I bought were firm and raw. So I thought that maybe I have to boil them before I eat. I boiled the poor little fruits for more than hour before I came to know thru one of my friends that it is only the ripened fruits that you have to buy and if you buy raw ones, you have to wait for a couple of days for them to get ready. To give a parallel, just imagine something like boiling a raw mango to make it ripe and yellow :)

I am totally in love with the fruit and its taste. I make sandwiches, guacamole, put it in chutneys and even eat them with my salads. Check out the videos below to catch a live glimpse of the fruit.

Avocado the fruit

The delicious Guacamole

A runner's paradise

2008-10-15T23:53:00.002+05:30

Running is something which gives me a lot of mental satisfaction. I really enjoy running for long stretches and getting drenched in sweat. It somehow helps me get rid of my stress and other mental pressures apart from keeping me active.

So when I decided that I am going to continue with this passion of mine after I reached Puebla for my 4th trip of Mexico, I was faced with some disturbing little problems. First was a rather dangerous “canine” problem. Yeah, you read it right – canine. The first day when I set out of my house for a run, a huge furry white dog almost bit me on my leg. From that day onwards I was so watchful for dogs that I could hardly concentrate on my thoughts or on the running itself. The second main problem was the traffic. To avoid the dogs in the residential areas, I was running on the side-lanes of the main road and hence was confronted by fast and furious flow of traffic. So again, I had to be very careful about how and where I am keeping my steps. These things virtually sucked all the joy out of my running.

Yesterday when I stepped out again, I saw a huge football field with a nice racing track just across the road, at a distance of around 5 minutes by walk from my house. I have been eyeing it for long but since it was adjacent to a big school and I didn’t know the local language so that I could go and ask, I was avoiding entering the field. But this time somehow my legs automatically took me inside the campus.

I saw a couple of people standing there and I decided to go and talk to them. I approached them and asked “Hablar ingles??” they said, “No”. I knew it was no use waiting there to find for an English speaking guy. But before I would decide to quit, I thought of giving it another try. I saw another gentleman coming my way and I asked the same question to him. Hesitatingly, he replied, “Yes, por que”. I was happy. I said, “Una pregunta. Do I need a permission to enter this field and do some running?” He said “No! Its free”. I replied,” Muchas Gracias” and left the place.

The place was a real paradise for a runner - lush green football field surrounded with a contrasting red running track. I could run forever at that place if my body allows me to. I ran for about 30-35 minutes before coming to a grinding halt. It was getting dark and I had many things to do at home. I just took some pictures with my mobile and started walking towards my apartment.

I was so happy that I got such a nice place to run where I do not have to worry about life threatening traffic or perilous dog-bites.

Here are some photos

Good bye

2008-09-19T02:29:00.006+05:30

I saw you standing at a distance,
And I knew it was you.
I saw you smiling at someone,
And I knew it was you.
I saw you hopping around like a butterfly,
And I knew it was you.
You didn´t even notice me staring at you,
But I knew it was you.

Then the day came when I met you
and saw deep into your eyes.
I couldnt help myself
but stare at that magical smile

Never realised I was falling in love
till I knew you were already engaged.
Each passing day was pain like hell
to see you showering love on someone else.
I saw you holding his hand,
I saw you waiting for him,
I saw you sleeping on his shoulder,
I saw you crying for him.

But I held my ground
till you knew that I Loved You,
I stood firm
till you believed that it was me.
I was there for you always
till you said you love me too.

It was magic then onwards
and we were playing in paradise.
Time flew like a bird
and we cruised happily through life.

Then the devil struck
and there were tears all around.
Hell had broken hard on us
and I knew you were gone.
It was never the same
as I realized what I had lost.
You never turned back to me
and I too was lost in my world.

Today I see you going again,
Far far away from anything we had.
Going to another world
Where there wont even be a trace of me.
I cant say if I am happy
neither can I say I am sad !!
I just feel I have lost something
Which actually I never had !!

- Anonymous

Give me the truth

2008-09-08T09:03:00.003+05:30

Sometimes I try to give meaning to all this happening around me, or rather to all that I am doing. Each passing day adds a million more moments to my life, scores of more memories. Some of which will cling with me for a lifetime and some which will fade away sooner than I will ever realize. I am "living" this life each passing day.

Living - now that is an interesting thing to do. We live; through a hundred different things we do - by going to our job, by eating three times a day, by talking to our friends, by being with our family (lucky few), by having sex when we want to (applicable to yet fewer), by spending money on things we wish to have, by being happy in our loved ones' happiness, by being sad in their sorrow. Each of our lives is a sum of some or all of these sundry activities which supposedly define our life.

A week back we were in school, a couple of days earlier we were enjoying in college and it was only yesterday when we stepped in our first office. Time's running away so quickly. I cant slow it down even if I want to. Tomorrow, it will be time to get married; let someone else enter your personal space and scan through what all has happened with you till date and then ask questions. Then, spend a day explaining to her about things you don't even remember happened sometime in your life and before you can realize, the day is over and you are going to be a father. Then spend another week taking care of your children and suddenly when the weekend passes by you find yourself sitting in an armchair enjoying your retirement and reflecting upon the way you "lived" your life.

Why are you doing this? Why am "I" doing this? Why are we just moving around in this endless loop ? Just because an ideal man should do all this to be a part of the society, I too am obliged to follow it? Where am I in all this? Where does my opinion matter among all these rules and predefined structs of a civilized human society?

I see people lying in ruins on the sidewalks, I see others fixing a crappy nuclear deal somewhere, I see yet more being ruled by their spouses and yet managing to be "happy", and then some more fighting for packets of food standing in waist high flood waters. What? What are you doing? Why are you sleeping?

Dont give me this shit. Dont give me love, respect, emotions, money, relationships !! Dont give me tears, smiles, laughters, screams & moanings!! Dont give me dads, moms, uncles & cousins!! Dont give me Ram, Rahim or Jesus!!

Give me the truth. Yes !! Give me the truth.

Before I Die

2008-09-08T04:12:00.004+05:30

There are a couple of things I wish to do before I close my eyes forever. There is no laminated list as such, but if I start thinking, the following points would make a rough list

Graffiti
River rafting
Rock climbing
Camping alone in the wild
Grow long hair
Drive a car
See Ireland

And last but not the least, know this damn ducker of a person called Pratosh Dwivedi.

MY family

2008-09-06T10:08:00.005+05:30

I miss my family & maybe that's the reason I came back to this blog after more than 3 months.

To be honest, I really don't remember when I last even felt like missing them in the 3 odd years since I left my home. It was back in June'05 when I finished my college and went out for a job in Chennai. I've spent not more than 3 months with them in the past 3 years & amazingly, I never felt or regretted that.

It was the excitement of school for 12 years which always used to make me wait eagerly for the Sundays to get over. Which made me brood over the idea of going out somewhere lest I miss my school. Then it was the craze of 4 years of college; the newly found freedom, newly born thoughts & newly born relationships. After college it was the new job, which came with the pleasure of money and a "personal" space amongst all the social mess of course. I didn't even realize how naturally I took "them" for granted or to be blunt, how simply I ignored "them".

Now I see people, I see parents with their children, I see cousins having fun together, I see families going out for vacations, I see Dads giving advices to their daughters, I see Moms caring about their sons & then a sudden sense of emptiness sinks in. Where has my family been all this time? Or where have I been for so long?

I don't care to call home at night cauz its too late & I'll feel sleepy in office the next day. Or its too early in the morning & I will get late for office. Then after a week when I somehow manage to make a call & that too after my Dad tells me that "Dont get your Mom worried, call her once in a while", my Mom tells me that she knew I would be busy with work and she's happy I could manage to call.

I have grown up. I am moving towards my goals. I am aspiring for success. I am following my hobbies. I am earning good money. I am visiting places. I am eating in nice restaurants. I am wearing branded clothes. I am almost half way through my life. I miss my Mom. I miss my Dad. I miss my grandparents. I miss fighting with my brother. I am writing crap ?

Me, Myself & Lufthansa

2008-05-28T03:48:00.001+05:30

Date – 12^th Mar’08
Place – Chennai, India
Characters involved – Me, Sonu (My roommate), LTA - Lufthansa ticketing agent, LFM - Lufthansa flight manager, Mohan – from my company's travel desk

Me – Sonu, its already 8:30 man, lets go and have dinner, otherwise I will get late.
Sonu – Bhaiyya!! Your flight is at 1:45 AM, so relax. It won’t leave without you.
Me – Yes man, I know that, but still I always prefer being at the airport at least 2 hours in advance, in case something goes wrong.
Sonu – OK, we’ll just go and have dinner & then you can leave

As we started for dinner, I got the call from the cab driver asking me the exact location of the place. I somehow explained him the way, since he didn’t know English & I had intense problems in speaking Tamil. As we started walking towards the restaurant, it started raining. By the time we finished our dinner, it was pouring down heavily. We somehow managed to reach back home in time and get into the taxi. Since it was late at night and once I go inside the checking area I can’t meet anyone, I told Sonu to stay back and wished him goodbye.

I reached the airport around 10:30 PM. Got my luggage checked and stood in the queue for checking in. Since I was early, in hardly 5 minutes, I found myself facing the guy on the counter.

LTA – Sir, can I have your passport and booking reference please?
Me – Yeah sure (Handed over both the things with a smile)
LTA – Please keep your luggage on the platform for weighing

(At this point I was a bit apprehensive as I expected my luggage to be a few kilos heavier than allowed. But having prior flying experience through the same airline, I expected it to go smooth. Suddenly, my thought process was broken by the LTA’s voice)

LTA – Sir, your luggage is above the permissible weight, you have to pay taxes if you want to carry all of this.
Me – Ok, by how much is it exceeding the limit? How much do I have to pay?

(Expecting a figure of some 4-5 kilos, I thought I will talk it over. But I was totally rattled by his reply)

LTA – Sir, it is 30 Kgs above the limit and you have to pay a sum of Rs 75,000 INR.

(At first I couldn’t believe what I heard, but then I thought he has made some mistake and I should explain)

Me – The weight limit for the check-in luggage is 23 Kgs per piece right? And I am allowed two pieces.
LTA – No Sir, for all flights going to North America via Europe, the total weight of the luggage allowed per passenger is 20 Kgs
Me – Boss !! This is the third time I am having this trip & I this is my 5^th check-in at your counter. When did the baggage rules change?
LTA – Sir, the baggage rules are the same for the past 3 years. There is certainly some confusion here. You can see on your e-ticket, it is clearly mentioned - 20Kgs per passenger

(To my horror, it was indeed mentioned below the flight details. “Have I been ignoring this all the time I was going to Mexico? Ok, even if I ignored, how did these people allow me?” Seeing my blank white face & the long queue formed behind me, he spoke again -)

LTA – Sir, people are waiting. If you have any problems with this, I will suggest that you talk to our flight manager.

(I nodded my head in consent & he called for someone from the back-office. I unloaded my luggage from the platform, put it back on the trolley and started walking away from there, with an embarrassed face. People standing in the queue were staring at me, as if I just broke some international-flying-law. The flight manager appeared in a moment with a big walkie-talkie in her hand. By seeing her face itself I knew she would be a tough nut)

LFM – How can I help you Sir?
Me – Maam, this is my third trip from India to Mexico & suddenly your people are telling me that I can carry only half the amount of what I have carried on all my trips.
LFM – Sorry Sir, but our rules are the same for the past 3 years. I am sure some confusion has happened on your side. As you can see, the same thing is clearly mentioned on your ticket.

(I knew that I have already lost the battle, but I still tried to convince that lady giving all sort of arguments. But as I estimated from the first glance, she was totally “un-negotiable”. I called up the travel desk at my company who told they will try to help but it may take some time. As there was hardly an hour left for the last check-in, I decided to do the inevitable. I called my room mate and told him to come to the airport)

Me – Sonu, I am stuck in thick soup, please take the bike and come here ASAP. I don’t have time.
Sonu – Why? What happened suddenly?
Me – No time for reciting the whole Ramayana right now, I have to return half my things, you come here quickly.
Sonu – Ok, don’t worry. I will be there in 30 minutes.

My face was red like an apple. I felt as if all the blood has come and collected inside my head. I was not able to understand what to do. How will I do away with half the stuff? How will I reduce the total weight to 20 Kgs? After a couple of minutes, I realized there is no way out & I have to go ahead with this. I took a deep breath and found a small place at the middle of the hall to do the re-packing. I laid down both my luggage & opened them. The only thing to me relief at that time was the fact that I had distributed things evenly between the two pieces of luggage. So I just opened them and put all the stuff I had to return in one luggage.
A pair of formal shoes, a pair of sports shoes, shampoo bottle, cosmetics, books, some casual clothes, and all other things I thought I could manage without. I took out some books and kept them in my cabin baggage. Finally I re-packed everything and started looking for Sonu. In another 10 mins I got a call from him telling that he is waiting at the entrance. I got up, picked my luggage and as I was about to take the first step, all the stuff from my cabin baggage came out and got scattered all around me. Gosh!! I forgot to close it. I could feel the staring eyes around me. I somehow stuffed everything inside only to find an African woman photographing me sitting in the midst of the mess. I ignored her and walked towards Sonu. Handed over the luggage to him and gave sincere thanks. Then I walked back towards the counter and checked in what all was left with me.

My luggage was still around 10 Kgs above the limit, but being a witness to what I went thru during the past 1 hour, the LTA didn’t utter a word and handed me the boarding pass. I proceeded for emigration with the” how-I-am-going-to-manage-with-so-little-stuff” thought lingering in my mind. As I was standing in the emigration queue, the guy from travel desk called up.

Mohan – Pratosh, just now the Lufthansa people told me that you have checked in. So I suppose it’s not a problem now.
Me – Yes Mohan, I sent by half my stuff & I don’t even know what all I have with me. So I too suppose that it really isn’t a problem right now.

He sensed the frustration in my voice and decided to cut the call after a brief wish-u-a-happy-journey conversation. I passed through the emigration and final security just to reach the terminal in time for the boarding call.

Lufthansa – There is no better way to fly

Tere bina

2008-05-24T10:04:00.003+05:30

Tere bina zindagi se koyi, shikwa, to nahi, shikwa nahi, shikwa nahi, shikwa nahi
Tere bina zindagi bhi lekin, zindagi, to nahi, zindagi nahi, zindagi nahi, zindagi nahi
Tere bina zindagi se koyi, shikwa, to nahi

Kaash aisa ho tere qadmo se, chun ke manzil chale aur kahi door kahi - 2
Tum gar saath ho, manzilo ki kami to nahi
Tere bina zindagi se koyi, shikwa, to nahi

Jee mein aata hai, tere daaman mein, sar jhuka ke ham rote rahe, rote rahe - 2
Teri bhi aankho mein, aansuo ki nami to nahi

Tere bina zindagi se koyi, shikwa, to nahi,
shikwa nahi, shikwa nahi, shikwa nahi
Tere bina zindagi bhi lekin, zindagi, to nahi,
zindagi nahi, zindagi nahi, zindagi nahi

Tum jo keh do to aaj ki raat, chaand doobega nahi, raat ko rok lo -2
Raat ki baat hai, aur zindagi baaki to nahi

Tere bina zindagi se koyi, shikwa, to nahi,
shikwa nahi, shikwa nahi, shikwa nahi
Tere bina zindagi bhi lekin, zindagi, to nahi,



zindagi nahi, zindagi nahi, zindagi nahi

I dont wanna be a punching bag

2008-05-21T09:36:00.000+05:30

Imagine yourself being constantly in the line of fire. Everyone around you seems to just shout at you, for no apparent reason. Each and every move of yours is kept under the microscope and you are criticized at all possible instances. You develop such a feeling of apprehension, that when you are not alone, you feel like being a part of a play, acting on stage, with a big audience watching you closely and you having that feeling of nervousness in your gut which constantly pricks you not to go wrong anytime during your act. Because you know, the moment you falter, the audience is either going to laugh or make some shrewd comment and you are going to be the punching bag.

Fundamentally, one can react in two different ways when presented with such a situation. The first one, which is widely preached and often the least practiced, is to be calm and let the dogs bark. You are told to ignore these filthy creatures around you and keep yourself calm and composed. Concentrate inwards rather than falling into the trap of this hostility around you. As Mr. Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi once told, if the enemy slaps you on one cheek you present the other one in front of him. But at the same time, as Munnabhai told, you really don’t understand what to do when the enemy slaps on the other one too. According to me, there is a limit until which you can exhibit such a behavior. No one can keep on being calm when posed with such a situation without suppressing his self respect. Somewhere he will curse himself for being quiet when others were poking him unprovoked.

The other way, one which is widely practiced, is to hit back. An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth doesn’t matter if you leave half the world blind. Because it’s important to make the other person realize how exactly you feel when the same is inflicted upon you. He needs to taste his own medicine. He needs to realize that he just can’t keep on trampling you, as if you were some weak little puppy, at whom any bullish dog can just keep on barking. And supposedly, this boosts your confidence and induces a feeling of superior self respect.

However one may react to such a situation, what goes beyond my understanding is why do people behave this way? What pleasure do they get in unnecessarily condemning and keep on poking other people, who rarely do the same to them? Is it a result of weak self confidence in them which is making them to become aggressive for the sake of their own defense? Or is it because they themselves feel inferior in some way & to overcome that feeling they want to suppress their so called opponent in any possible way?

Apart from the occasional anger and disgust, mostly I feel pity for such people. They just can’t realize how much they are loosing by being like this. Maybe they are happy and contended in their own small world, but on the whole they are just living inside a box. They can’t see the happiness and pleasure one gets by being in harmony with people around him.

Deep within me

2008-05-21T03:43:00.002+05:30

The controversy of Amir Khan naming his dog as “Shahrukh” was splashed all over the internet, which incidentally led me to Amir’s (Amir Khan) blog. While I was going thru the blog, many things struck my mind. I’ll list down some prominent ones

The blog was real nicely presented, obviously the work of some well paid web designer :)
It was constantly updated and had links to some previous blogs of the author, which showed his interest in penning down his thoughts publicly.
If you go to the comments section of the posts, for example the latest post on his blog, you can see a flood of comments posted by the users (6500+ in the last one). Though it is quite obvious that a popular actor like him will definitely attract such an attention, but what is noticeable here is, he is quite regular in replying to the comments. The content and the tone of the comments don’t seem to affect Amir’s responses at all. He replies to all of them in a pretty cool way. Given his tight schedule, I really wonder how he manages to regularly reply to all the comments.

Now coming to the real point, what the blog really sparked inside me was, if Amir Khan who has such a tight working schedule, can take out time to cater to his blogging needs, why a person like me, who is having a much less busy life than his, manages to post only 3-4 posts a month, keeping my writing and blogging passion in the background. Another very strange thing, which I think after seeing every successful person, I thought, was – will I be able to command so much popularity ever in my life?

Keeping Amir Khan aside, giving him the additional benefit of being in showbiz, there are thousands of other people I see and hear about, whose success story triggers a train of thoughts in my mind. I really wonder when I would be able to start one of my own. I remember one incident during my Hexaware corporate training in Pollachi, which I would like to mention here.
It was a soft skill session of “Goal setting”. The lady conducting the session put a question in front of everyone – “What is your goal in life?” Most of the people sitting in the class were quiet, not knowing what to say. A couple of them stood up and presented their dreams of owning a company one day or being a successful entrepreneur. I decided to declare mine. I stood up and told “I want to do something which will make people remember me for a lifetime & long after I am gone”. It sounded very bookish and sort of inspired from a politician’s speech, but believe me, I meant each and every word of it. She was quiet for a moment and then asked me to come to the front near the white board. She told me to write what I said on the board. The next question she asked me was, “How do you think you are going to achieve it?” That was the question I had no answer to. Then she explained how to achieve your goals by breaking them down into smaller ones, achieving whom will eventually lead to the ultimate aim of yours.

The problem in hand right now is, my goals and my course of action are diverging in two opposite directions. Appearing for Civil services and becoming an IAS will probably set me on a path towards what I really want. But abandoning my present job and loosing out on the big buck I am getting doesn’t seem to be a wise decision either. I know I need the money, but at the same time I know that there is much more than just money that I need.

Is it only me or do we all have this dilemma in our mind? Has anyone of you ever felt the same way? Had an urge to do something so big that the whole world knows you? To break away from the shackles of this silly “Groundhog Day” like life and do something to rock the whole world? At the same time not able to understand what exactly to do and from where to start with?

Sometimes I feel that maybe deep within me, I have the answers to these questions, but I just don’t have the courage to go ahead and do it. Anyone remembers those words from Chris Gardener in the movie Pursuit of HappYness?

Don't ever let somebody tell you.. You can't do something. Not even me. All right?
You got a dream... You gotta protect it. People can't do something' themselves, they wanna tell you, you can't do it. If you want somethin', go get it.

Maybe, I AM careless

2008-05-21T00:18:00.001+05:30

Though I’ve been tagged of being careless for a long time now, but only recently I have started realizing that it might actually be true. The reason for this, I suppose, is that my luck has stopped favoring me now.

My luck was so much attached to me that I had started taking it for granted. A few examples for this would be:

Many times I left the key plugged into my bike for the whole night while my bike was standing outside my house only to find it again safe at it’s place in the morning.
Many times I have left the registration and ownership documents of my bike at places where no one can expect to find them again, only to retrieve them safely.
I have left my watch & wallet and all imaginable places but never did I lose them till date.

But now I have started realizing that maybe I need to be more careful with myself and with the things I do. A few things which made me think around this point are

I cut my thumb deeply a couple of days back, while chopping onions.
The other day, I spilled the glass of juice all over the dining table to the discomfort of me and others seated around.
I dropped a big meat chopping knife almost on my foot and was lucky to get away with it.
I spilled a pan filled with oil on the kitchen slab, cauz I though that the pan is empty and just swung it in the air while picking it up.
At the greatest of all, I lost my camera a couple of days back.

I hate it when people call me careless. I find it too much insulting to bear & accept. Also, I hate it when people see me with accusing and blaming eyes when I do something careless. Most of the times when I’m accused of it, I become highly defensive and give all types of arguments in my favor. But after the loss of my camera, I really have started thinking that something is wrong with me. I certainly need to be more careful with how I am handling things and be a bit more vigilant with things happening around me. But this thought has started creating a sense of nervousness now. Each time I leave my seat or de-board a bus I get a chill down my spine, as if I left something behind. I start checking if everything is there, my wallet, cell-phone, watch. It is as if I have lost all confidence in myself, the confidence of keeping things safe.

It sounds stupid and silly, but it really is happening. In an effort to get rid of my carelessness, I am inducing a hint of freakish behavior inside me. I hope I get over this soon.

I lost it

2008-05-21T00:09:00.002+05:30

Last Saturday, I lost my camera. Many would think why it deserves a blog post, but I really need to pen this down as it a BIG loss to me.

As people who are close to me would know, my camera was very important for me and it was something I can’t imagine living without. I used to carry it everywhere, during outings, while going for a walk, while going for shopping to the local supermarket. Now I miss it. I miss it more than I have missed any other thing I ever lost. I curse myself for my carelessness but there is little I can do now.

It happened last weekend when I went for a party. We were waiting on the roadside for some friends to arrive when I kept my camera next to me on the pavement where we were sitting. Later when we got up and started walking towards the place, I realized I don’t have the camera with me. I ran back towards the place where we were sitting, but it was too late. In an interval of 1 minute, someone had taken it. Being a busy sidewalk, I lost all hopes of running and finding the person who took it.

I was totally lost, not able to think what exactly has happened. I didn’t want to spoil the evening of others so I just walked towards the disco with a blank mind. I couldn’t believe what has happened and the feeling of the loss was still to sink in. I couldn’t enjoy even a bit at the disco and somehow managed to do away with the night.

Now that it has been 3 days since it happened, the thing has finally got into my mind. I know my camera is no longer with me. I know I can get a new one, but I can never get the same one back. I’ve had such a nice time with it, taking photos of every imaginable thing. It has been the life of my image blog & now that it is gone, I don’t know how I will manage without it.

My Sony DSC H2 – 17^th Oct’07 to 17^th May’08

Access denied

2008-04-05T03:33:00.000+05:30

A toilet is one place in this world where people can move in and out freely, no matter where it is. Be it a restaurant, an airport, your office, or any other public place, “paid-toilets” being an exception, no one will stop you from using the place. Even a stranger will allow you to come and pee in his/her toilet if there is an absolute emergency and nowhere to go.

But things are astonishingly different in my office here in Mexico City. On my first day in office, I had an urgent nature’s call, when I found myself struggling to open the toilet door. It just won’t open. Then I thought that maybe the toilet on this floor is not functional, so I will try the one on the next floor. But it was the same story at each floor. Under such a “pressurized” situation, I can’t even go and ask someone, as people don’t understand English. Also, it would have been quite embarrassing to ask someone in sign language that “Boss!! Why this darn gate doesn’t open? I have to pee!!!”

Finally after an hour’s wait some of my Indian colleagues arrived and from them I came to know that the toilets have been locked. Each employee of the bank has been given a separate key to the toilet. It is just like giving an access card. For a single lock, they have made around 400+ keys and distributed them among the employees.

What stupid concept is this? No one is going to come from outside the bank just to use the toilet, that too when you have a big private building with access controls everywhere. Neither have you engraved your toilet pots with precious stones, so that someone will come and steal them. You have an ordinary toilet, which most of the people will use for normal purposes only. What is the need of doing this stupidity?

On that very day I made sure I have a key to that “protected & confidential zone” so that I don’t have to wait for ages before I can do something that I used to do at my will at other places.

Freaky coincidence

2008-04-05T02:58:00.002+05:30

OK, another one for the fight experiences this time. This is a freaky coincidence which is happening with me right from the time I took my first flight. And its not that it happens only 3 out of 5 times, rather the probability of occurrence is 1, i.e. no longer it is a probability, and rather it has become a certainty. I know it would be hard to believe, but you have to.

Each time I travel by air, the seat next to me is always empty. I’ve been on approximately 8 domestic and 10 international flights till date and never have I been sitting next to an occupied seat. The height was reached when I was returning to India from Frankfurt last January. I was told at the ticketing counter that they cannot allot me a seat as the flight is overbooked and it is advisable to reach the boarding gate early so as to get the boarding pass without any problems. The word “over-booked” itself tells you that there are too many people to travel on the same flight. Yet, to my what-the-hell-is-this surprise, when I boarded the flight, the next seat was empty.

I don’t know what the reason is; as there can’t be any. It is just a weird thing which keeps on happening to me each time I fly. I will definitely publish at “counter-post” once I meet with an exception to this.

I'm gonna win

2008-04-04T21:05:00.001+05:30

Dark is the night
I can battle the storm
Never say die
I've been down this road before
I'll never quit
I'll never lay down,
See I promised myself that I'd never let me down

I'll never give up
Never give in
Never let a ray of doubt slip in
And if I fall
I'll never fail
I'll just get up and try again

Never lose hope
Never lose faith
There's much too much at stake
Upon myself I must depend
I'm not looking for place ashore
I'm gonna win

I'll stop at nothing
There's still a ways to go, oh
Someway, somehow
Whatever it takes, I know
I'll never quit, no no
I'll never go down, mm, mm
I'll make sure they remember my name
A hundred years from now

When it's all said and done
My once in a lifetime will be back again
Now is the time
To take a stand
Here is my chance
That's why I...

I'm gonna win

(Courtesy - Men of honor)

The missing 'I'

2008-03-23T04:30:00.004+05:30

I got my boarding pass for my connecting flight from Frankfurt to Mexico at Chennai itself. I had a look and both the boarding passes in my hand, just to see where I'm gonna sit, cauz I had requested for an aisle seat. For the first flight the seat was 51D & for the second one it was 49K. Given that there are a total of 10 seats in a row in the economy class of a Lufthansa Boing (some model) plane, I got that for the first flight the seat is actually an aisle seat. A, B, C & then D ... ok its an aisle seat. Now I started counting for the second flight. A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I & then J. That sums up to 10. But the seat allotted to me as 49K. How is this possible? I counted the sequence again in my head, at least 3 more times, just to be sure. But each time, to my surprise, it ended at J.

I thought of going back to the counter and asking the guy if there was some mistake. But then I thought maybe this is the row at the end or something where they do actually have an "K" labeled seat. I got into my first flight and thought of searching for 49K before finding out my actual seat. As I boarded the plane and reached the economy class, I realized that they don't actually have an "I" seat. The sequence is - A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,J & then K. The "I" was missing. I had been traveling by the same airline, by the same plane, for the past 8 times. I was amazed that how come I never noticed this before.

Did anyone of you know about this missing "I"? Is it only in Lufthansa or they ate it up in other airlines too?

Innovative cooking

2008-03-23T00:57:00.004+05:30

I went out with some friends in the morning and returned pretty much at lunch time. Tired from the whole roaming around and my stomach screaming for some food, I really wasn't in a mood to do some time consuming cooking. Being a Good Friday, the shops were closed for the holiday and I couldn't order something from the nearby Subway too. So all I had was hardly 10 minutes to figure out what edible can I make out of the things I have in the fridge. Given the limited resources which would qualify for a quick meal, I made up this - Steaming corn with scrambled eggs.

Recipe (Serves 2, if I'm not one of them)
Eggs - 2
American corn kernels - 200gms
Green chilies - 2
Lemon - 1
Black pepper powder
Butter - 1 spoon
Onions - 1

Boil the corn kernels and mix the butter & lemon juice in it. Fry the chopped onions and chopped chilies in a separate frying pan. When the onions are brown, break the eggs and pour them into the pan to make a mess. Once the scrambled eggs are ready, add the pre-prepared (sounds inappropriate, but who cares) corn to the pan. Cook for 10 minutes. Add some ketchup and salt to taste. Serve steaming hot along with some orange juice & pickle.

So, I did all this and had a heart warming meal. It came out really delicious I tell you. Hunger does lead to innovation.

P.S - By the time I took this photo, it went cold, so I had to heat it up again in the microwave :)

Loupe

2008-03-22T03:02:00.001+05:30

There is a small Taco shop outside my erstwhile office in Volkswagen. Given its vicinity to the office and the nice quality of food that it provides, you can see long queues standing outside this roadside stall at lunch time. Though being a vegetarian, I wasn’t able to savor most of the things served at the place; I was a regular customer, having something he prepared exclusively for me; Tacos filled with rice potatoes, chilies & beans.

Coming back to the subject, “Loupe” is the guy who owns this shop. Majority of people in Mexico don’t know English. Even many people who are working for big banks & are at considerably high positions face much difficulty speaking in English. But to my surprise, Loupe was more fluent in English than any other Mexican I have met till date. My project manager in Mexico also speaks good English, but he too wasn’t any match to Loupe. This was the fact which made me so comfortable going and having food at the place. Because I was sure that he would understand what exactly I need. There was something in his appearance which made me have a sense of familiarity with him. Though I never talked much to him, given his busy work conditions, we knew each other well due to my daily visits at the place.

He was so prompt in his work, that you could actually see the difference when he was not around. While he took hardly 10 minutes to serve to a queue of 10+ people, his assistant who would fill up for him in his absence would make you wait for ages. Given the liking for the food and the server too, my last day in Volkswagen was not that pleasant. I knew I wont be coming here any longer to have this food or to meet this guy. So, after the peak business time, I went and talked to him. I asked him for a photograph for which he readily agreed. I wanted to give something to him, just as a memento. Giving money seemed very impersonal to me. After a lot of thinking, I took out a 50 rupee note from my pocket (An Indian currency note) and handed over to him. I told him. “This is for you & it is from India”. He gave me a nice smile and accepted my gift. I too was content in giving him something which will hold some value and will be peculiarly related to me.

Its been around 3 months since this happened. I wanted to post this for a long time but never got enough time. Now that I am back in Mexico, I am planning to go to Puebla and meet him again and of course taste those Tacos once again.

You can see him at this post on my image blog.

The selfish self

2008-03-21T11:06:00.003+05:30

Some philosophers have declared selfishness as a righteous virtue for a person to possess. They say that selfishness is compulsory for a man to survive in the society. Closely thought, it sounds almost true. Each one of us is selfish in some respect. At one point or the other, we keep our interest and happiness at the top and then weigh everything against it. It happens so naturally that we barely realize it. One such example of being selfish is “falling to your temptations”

We might not pay heed to our religious scriptures since we are now living in a modern society, but somehow lately, I have started seeing a lot of relevance in things which I have read somewhere in some religious text. The most striking example of them all is the shloka (verse) in Geeta where Lord Krishna exemplifies the human life as a chariot of horses with the horses signifying the senses. He tells Arjuna that the greatest virtue which a man needs to possess in order to actually have a life is to keep in control the horses of this chariot, which incidentally is the hardest thing to do. The person who has control over his senses has control over everything in his life.

I often find myself falling to my temptations. I just give up to my needs, which in the present context symbolizes both selfishness & lack of self control. Its not that I always regret doing that but the regret somehow surfaces at a later stage. These temptations come in various different forms, some of them so petty that you will hardly see them as one. But in the end I know that I just couldn’t resist the urge. This is actually the time to pull the reigns of the horses. To keep them from wandering away wherever they want to. But as most good things in life are, its really tough to do.

Sometimes these temptations take a monstrous form and threaten to ruin everything you have. You detest yourself for being so weak and for hurting many kind souls just because you were not strong enough. At that time you realize how out of control your own self has gone. You can do nothing but brood over it.

All this may sound a bit deviated from the point at which the post started, but observing closely, it is just another dimension to being selfish.

The horror show

2008-03-09T07:06:00.002+05:30

Just imagine :-

Its 4 in the morning & you are deep in sleep. The whole house is covered under a sheet of darkness with a small zero watt night bulb spreading some faint green light in the other room.Suddenly one of your room-mates who is sleeping in the same room next to you starts screaming like hell. You have absolutely no idea what’s happening when you see him screaming and running around in the room. You are terrified as if you are in a bad dream when you hear your other room-mate screaming too. A second later you find yourself trying to shout as loud as possible & ask them that what the hell is happening. A moment later the light in the room is switched on and all the three faces in the room are white as a ghost. You try to figure out whats happening when the guy who started screaming first tells you that something is there in the room, most probably a snake, which just went over his right hand and crossed the bed towards the side on which you were sleeping. You don’t know what to say as you are horrified, but still you try to lighten the atmosphere by giggling a bit and furiously checking if really something is there under any of the pillows or mattresses. After 2 minutes of stumbling things here and there it’s finally clear that nothing is there in the room. No one knows what to say as the sudden shock is still getting absorbed.

This was the early morning horror show which happened just two and a half hours back right here in my house. Once the nerves were settled, we decided to switch off the lights again and sleep. Everyone behaved as if it was just a small nightmare and nothing happened. Seeing them lying down quietly on their beds, I thought its only me who is feeling so terrified – still. Finally when I could no longer stand the darkness and the terrible feeling of horror killing me from inside, I announced that now its not possible for me to sleep and I am switching on the lights and going to sit in the other room. It was as if we were just waiting for one among three of us to say that. The next minute we found ourselves sitting in front of the computer and trying to calm ourselves by watching a movie (Jab we met).

I could still feel the chill running down my spine. I was just not able to rise above what has just happened. Suddenly weird things started crossing my mind – how will I sleep in the darkness from tomorrow onwards? – How the hell will I manage alone in the hotel room in Mexico where I would be going in a week from now? – what if really something is there in the house which would suddenly show up once we switch off the lights again? In another half an hour the other two couldn’t bear their heavy heads anymore and retired to the bed with me sitting alone in the other room watching that movie. It was around five in the morning and it was still dark outside. I was waiting for the light to break. I was feeling something very freaky inside me. I just couldn’t stop being afraid – afraid of what I really didn’t know. I decided to pen it down just to extinguish my anxiety and I opened up an empty word document and started writing. As I wrote the first few lines which you can read above, I was practically reliving the entire episode.Once again the fear made its entry and I knew I couldn’t do it anymore. I minimized the word window and started watching the movie again. Every 5 minutes I was trying to find a hint of light outside the partially covered window at the back of my room. Finally at 6:20 AM the movie got finished and it was bright outside. I opened the window, opened the front door and decided to finish what I had started.

Its fully bright outside now & both my friends are peacefully sleeping in the other room. But somehow I am not able to get over with it. Just thinking about what happened I can virtually hear that horrific screaming inside my head right now. Goddddd – I do have a weak heart.

18 + 7 = 25 & 25 +1 = 26

2008-02-27T12:58:00.000+05:30

I am 26 years young today. 26 long years I have spent from the day I was born; that’s almost half of the total number of years I am probably going to live. Apart from one truth for which I remind myself again and again- I-am-getting-old – there are hundred other things which are crossing my mind today

What exactly I have done in these 26 years?
Can I really say that I have “lived” all this time?
Where do I exactly stand given my past and keeping my future in perspective?

Believe me, I get very interesting (sometimes funny too) answers when I ask these questions from myself. So much has happened in this time that Its hard to believe I really lived through all that. While there are things for which I find myself too young there are still others which have embedded a lot of maturity in me.

At this juncture I just stand still; wondering what’s next. I distinctly remember the day I turned 19. At that time I missed not being 18 anymore. I get more or less the same feeling today – I-miss-being-25 – feeling. 26 somehow sounds a lot more “old”; 25 was a bit respectableJ. I suppose the next time I will get the same feeling, I would be 51.

Anyways, it’s yet another “happy” birthday & everyone except me is excited about it. Maybe all these years have drained out the emotion of “Birthday excitement” from my heart. This day has now started bringing in more worries than happiness. Maybe its momentary or maybe I am just thinking too much. Whatever it is, on this day, 26 years ago, I made my entry and I will make sure that time before the exit will be worth remembering; not only for me but for everyone who is somehow connected to this “26 year old”

Its a lonely world

2008-02-15T16:57:00.000+05:30

It is strange. When I was alone I craved for company. I was dying to be among people whom I can call my ‘own’. But once that happened, once I was back, things were not actually that great. You can simply call it human nature to miss what it doesn’t have, but the truth is that I am resenting not being alone anymore. People are much better when they are ‘not’ with you. Once you have all the time in the world to spend with each other, the love and the harmony just vanishes. It doesn’t matter how deadly the separation was, once you are together, things just become plain bland.

I want to be alone again; away from everything else, everyone else. I know it sounds crazy, but I really want to do that. I want to go to some place where none knows me, where I can be myself. No one is stopping me for being myself now also, but the conditions somehow are not allowing me. Lets hope these turbulent thoughts settle down soon.

End of a Legend

2008-01-12T08:29:00.000+05:30

Courtesy HT - 12th Jan'08 - Delhi Edtn

I first came to know about him when I was in class 2nd and we were asked to learn by heart, a list of "World's firsts"; the first man to conquer the highest peak on earth, Mt Everest - Sir Edmund Hillary of NewZealand. It was just a name then. But later when I read about him, I was able to put a man behind that name. A man who relentlessly followed his passion till the time he died. A man who left an indelible footprint on the highest point on this earth. A man who will always be remembered through textbooks, record-books and through stories of courage and a rock-hard will.

"We knocked that bastard off", were his words when he scaled the Mt Everest in May 1953. I pay my tribute to the legend. Few people have the courage to follow their dreams, and those who do are remembered by millions, even long after they are gone.

The Small Wonder

2008-01-11T04:05:00.001+05:30

After a long hype and much furore, the Tatas have drawn the curtain off the much awaited "Car of the people". The dealer price being Rs 1 Lac, the buyer just has to pay the extra VAT and other taxes. Apart from the standard edition, two more variations will be manufactured, one of them being air-conditioned. Though the critics suspect performance issues and declare it "not-safe", the Tatas have enough facts to dodge the criticisms.
Expected to make the market debu in mid 2008, the "Nano" has already created jitters in the automobile world. It boasts almost all the features of a modern car and is still priced much less than the other "small-car" variants of different companies.

The 'Nano' is expected to intensify the race in the already competitive automobile market of India. Other companies such as Maruti and Hyundai will certainly come up with something matching. After all, if Tatas can do it, so can someone else. In the end, its the consumers who are going to benefit from this bid of the automobile giants to tap the hitherto neglected section of consumers - "the lower middle class". People are having apprehensions regarding the performance and so am I. Remember the time when reliance phones were launched, priced at Rs 500? "Kar lo duniya mutthi mein (Grab the world in ur fist)" . Dhirubhai Ambani's dream to give the cellphone in common man's hand. It started with a band and a much publicized hype, but the bubble burst soon. The boat has steadied a bit now, but soon after it's launch, the issues came to light - bad network, poor connectivity, and a hundred other complaints.

But I prefer be optimistic and hope for the success of this latest "popular" venture of Tata Motors. I hope all goes well and Mr Tata is able to deliver his vision to many of those families, one of which - a family of 4 he saw dangling on a two wheeler and for which he dreamt to provide a much safer a affordable means of personal mobility - gave him the idea for his latest product.

An extra "Phera"

2008-01-09T01:43:00.000+05:30

For those of you not informed about the rituals of a "Hindu" marriage, I will provide an introduction to just a small part of it, which is in context with what I am going to write after that.

In a Hindu marriage (you may say North-Indian or Brahmin, because I am not really informed about the rituals in other parts of the country, so excuse me if I am wrong ) during one of the rituals, the Bride and the Groom are supposed to make seven rounds of the holy fire in order to complete the seven important vows of married life. Each round is called a "Phera". So, in all, there are 7 Pheras. Now, let us come back to the topic.

In Alwar, Rajashtan, in all the 800 marriages which took place last month, the couples took 8 Pheras. The extra phera they took was for a noble purpose. The 8th Phera was taken as a vow against sex-determination tests and female foeticide. The trend was encouraged by an NGO and people willingly followed in all the community marriages.

I hope such initiatives will help us increase the ever worsening male to female sex ratio in the country and spread awareness among the people. I wonder why such things never make news.

Death of "Appu Ghar"

2008-01-09T01:20:00.000+05:30

I think most of us would have heard about the famous amusement park in Delhi, The Appu Ghar. I first heard about it when I traveled to Delhi for the first time at the age of 6. Then, I was able to catch only a glimpse of it from outside. I never managed to persuade my parents to take me inside. :) I still remember the excitement I felt when I saw it for the first time. The place seemed to be a dream world for me and I just wanted to "live" inside it.

I got my first chance to be there after a long gap of 7 years, when we moved to Delhi. Though I was much older now but the excitement was still young. I spent the whole day inside and quenched my long pending thirst. The place was nice and since my first time, I have been there at least 10 times more.

Today I was reminded of the place again when I read the newspaper. Appu ghar is going to be demolished, following the orders of the Supreme Court. The degradation of the place started when Metro Rail entered Delhi. They occupied a part of the premises for the construction of the Metro corridor. Now, they are taking it fully. The reason - Land is needed for construction of SC's lawyer's chamber and for expansion of Delhi Metro.

Appu ghar is not simply any other amusement park. It is a historical landmark. One of the oldest amusement parks in India. Named after the 1982 Asian games' mascot, it attracts scores of people each year. Most importantly for millions of people like me, it a something to be associated with.

Govt fully supports the court's decision and has not proposed any alternative site for shifting. It seems to be the end of the road for the 'only' and the one of the most 'loved' landmarks of the Indian capital. Maybe this is the price the city has to pay for the increased pace of development.

Asian games of 1982 led to its birth and Commonwealth games of 2010 is going to be the cause of its death, which surely will be a painful one.

Early morning battle

2008-01-08T10:08:00.000+05:30

Myself: Dude, the alarm is ringing
Me: What alarm?

Myself: Dude, the alarm is ringing, get up.
Me: Its not even 4 AM, how can the alarm ring at this time?

Myself: Boss, it is past 6AM, get up now, the alarm is ringing.
Me: Duck the alarm. I am so tired. No way I'm gonna get up.

Myself: This alarm sound is deafening right in the morning. How can you still sleep?
Me: Ok, I snoozed the alarm, happy?

(After 2 minutes)
Myself: Sir, the alarm is ringing again.
Me: WTH, can't you talk about anything but the ducking alarm? (Snoozed again)

(After another 2 minutes)
Myself: Alarm ringing !!!
Me: Oh comeon !! (The alarm not snoozed, but "switched off")

Myself: By any chance you remember that you weigh 83 kgs?
Me: What? What are you talking ...?

Myself: By any chance you remember that you have to loose 8 kgs?
Me: Aaaan? mmmmm ...

Myself: You remember how pathetic you look in that tight fit t-shirt?
Me: I look fine ... go away ... let me sleep ... !@$!@$!

Myself: You remember your waist size is a little below 35?
Me: OK !!! Fine .. fine. Don;t give me these depressing thoughts right in the morning.

Finally after a long battle of 15 minutes, I get up ... get dressed and move my lazy a$$ towards the gym.

Where is God hiding?

2008-01-08T01:24:00.001+05:30

When God created earth and then life on earth, he created all sorts of creatures; animals, birds, insects, humans and million other forms. All the creatures were satisfied with this fabulous gift God has given them, so they didn't care much and were happy in their environment. They were thankful to God and never cared to go back to him and ask for more. But among them, Humans were an exception. They always kept on troubling God for something or the else. God, I want this. God, I want that. Also among humans, children were the front-runners, as their's were the most number of requests reaching God.

So one day, fed up from all this trouble, God called a meeting of all his counselors. He explained the problem to them and asked for a viable solution. God said,"My dear Counselors, these Humans have made my life hell. I don't get time to do anything, because I am always busy listening to their prayers. I am not even able to sleep peacefully. Please suggest me a place where I can go and hide. A place which will be difficult for these Humans to access."

So, the counselors came up with their suggestions:-
One said, "Go and hide on Mount Everest"
God sighed and replied, "Comeon Boss. Dont you know people like Edmund Hilary and Tensing? They have already conquered Everest. I cannot go there !!"

Another suggested,"You can go and hide on the moon"
Gode puffed and replied,"Hello!! Neil Armstrong has already left his footprint there. So, others may follow soon. Rejected !!!"

Then one of the wisest counselors of God came and whispered something in God's ears. After listening to him, God's face beamed and everyone was surprised to see the happiness on his face. At the same time, they were eager to know the suggestion made by the wise counselor. Once the hype died, God rose to announce the place he was going to reside in. He told:-

"I am going to live in the heart of human beings. That is the safest place. People will be busy searching for me in Churches, Temples, Mosques, Gurdwaras and other places, but they will seldom peep into their own heart to find me. Seldom will they realize that the real place to search for me is their own heart. So I will go and live there"

The male psyche

2008-01-06T11:49:00.001+05:30

I came across this survey in today's HT - Delhi edition. It came as a follow up to the ugly incident that happened on 1st Jan with a woman in Mumbai. Though responses to most of the questions depend on one's personal choice, but still there a couple of things I think, if avoided, can obviate most of the troubles. Again, it's only my personal opinion ... yours may differ :)

A girl, coming out late from a bar, wearing a 'hot' dress, will always invite trouble. In any part of the world, in any society, conservative, open minded, whatever.
A 'bar-going' woman, at least in Indian middle class society, can never command respect from men. Men will always treat and perceive such women as 'easily accessible'
Its still time for the Indian society at least, to give 'equality' to women in the 'real' sense. People can preach equality in seminars, social gatherings and even in parliament for women rights, but still we are far away from even "accepting" an equal status for women.
The male ego still plays a big role in most of the relationships, married or unmarried, & will continue to play till women keep on bowing to it. (Believe me, it still happens in 80% of the cases.)
Men are the same, everywhere. They think the same 'crap' about women, everywhere. Same injustice happens to women, everywhere. (Read everywhere as India & Mexico)

And obviously, this is not a generalization of any sort. There are exceptions, and actually more than just 'exceptions'. But these are the traits which are prominently visible. Faults are there on both sides, faults in thoughts, traditions, in hundred other things.

Men command & demand a superiority in a relation. It may not be openly visible, but it will raise it's head, in some situation, at some point.

Women consider themselves "emotionally superior". Because they have the unquestionable advantage of being a 'mother'. Of being the creator and preserver of human life.

Anyways, this debate will never end. And all of us will favor one side or the other in different situations. I thought of writing much more, but will stop here. Maybe the rest will come later ;)

Uncertainty

2008-01-05T04:35:00.000+05:30

The only thing which is ‘constant’ is ‘change’; they say. Only thing ‘certain’ is ‘uncertainty’ would be a definite corollary; and I am a living witness of that. I have seen so many certainties bubble into a vicious uncertainty that I am no longer certain of my faith in the certainty of anything on this earth being certain. ( [sigh] What on earth made me write the last sentence)

Uncertainty can hit you in various forms. The most popular of all being - “The unexpected uncertainty”. This form is when you are certain that something would happen and suddenly the bubble bursts. All you can do after this is spread your eyes and open your mouth in awe. You can’t believe that something which looked so certain that you actually felt and ‘celebrated’ it’s happening, is no longer there. You curse the reasons and you hate the factors which led to such a painful transition. But, there is nothing else you can do. You have to accept it, with a broken heart and a bruised soul.

The second one, which according to me is a bit less ‘heart rendering’, is “The unknown uncertainty”. This is the case when the outcome of something is unknown or hazy. You have done your bit, but you don’t know what will hit you in return. You are certain of some parts of the result, but in totality, the outcome still evades you. You just wait, as if staring in dark and waiting for something to emerge; something which no one knows. This uncertainty sometimes makes the whole gestation period interesting. All you have with you is a ‘pregnant’ silence or in some cases a ‘pregnant situation’. You never know what will come out.

Human mind has devised a very good cure for all the wounds the heart receives – God. Here are a couple of statements I often hear people saying, when hit hard by uncertainties

Whatever happens is God’s will.
Whatever happens; happens for the best.
God opens two doors when he closes one.

Blah blah blah …

God has done whatever he wanted to. What about the scar the heart will have once the wound is healed by God’s cure? That scar, that pain, and a hidden sense of regret, which we deliberately overlook for some pseudo-happiness, will never ever go.

The joy of being 'me'

2007-12-24T08:54:00.000+05:30

25kms and roughly 6 hours – that’s the stats of how much I walked today. Usually I keep my Sundays to sleep and to watch movies. But today I thought of breaking the old schedule. I decided to go and out and find some nice shots for my photo albums. I started from the hotel at 12:30 in the afternoon without deciding upon the destination. I just started walking on a known path, the way to Walmart, where I go each weekend. I walked and walked and then I walked some more. Finally I stopped at a local mall, when I couldn’t stand my hunger. I had a pizza, drank a cold cappuccino, had a look around for some camera prices and then decided to walk back again. It was roughly 3hr-a-side trip, a tiring but a very special one.

Today I remembered many things, which perhaps I forgot in this fast pace of life. I remembered walking with my shadow again, as I used to do when I was a kid. To watch it change its shape & size as the day passes by and to try running and leaving it behind. Check out my image blog to see a photo I clicked with my shadow today.
I realized how much fun it is to talk to yourself and discuss all those doubts you are having for almost forever and to find out, quite amazingly, that all the answers to those doubts are actually with you only. You just need to ask yourself.
I realized how I completely forgot the joy of walking on narrow elevated part of the footpath without falling down, with my hands spread in the air. How I forgot the touch of cool evening wind hitting against my face and the beautiful yellow touch that the setting sun gives to the sky above.

I was a child today, the way I used to be when my mother used to pick me up from the school and take me back to home. I was eating, singing, shaking to the beats of lovely ‘Lucky Ali’ songs, climbing on road-side railings, shooing away the birds perched on the ground, jumping and trying to touch the high branches of trees – all while walking the whole day out. I didn’t care if anyone is watching; I was just completely lost in the rediscovered joy. I almost walked through the small city of Puebla, without a tinge of tiredness.

Maybe I should take out some time for myself a bit more often; maybe all of us should try and do that. Believe me, its fun.

Quesadilla

2007-12-18T02:12:00.000+05:30

From this post onwards, I am planning to write one post each for some of my favorite Mexican dishes. These dishes may be known to most of the people and maybe unknown to many. You may know a different form or the version of the same thing. What I am trying to present here, is the form of the dish in which I tasted it on the streets of Mexico. For any city, as far as I have experienced, street food gives you the authentic taste and flavor, be it the mutta-parota of road side vendor in T Ngr, Chennai or the delicious pav bhaji of the road side stall in Model Town, Delhi or my present favorite Mexican delicacies of the roadside stall outside Puerta Tres, Puebla, Mexico.

To start with, I will take up one of my personal favorites in Mexican cuisine, “Quesadilla”. This dish is basically made out of Corn tortillas (tortillas are Mexican equivalents of Indian Chappati/Roti, only a little thicker), Queso Chihuahua (a special kind of cheese which melts into soft cream like substance when heated), mushrooms, green chilies, red & green salsas (sauces).

The tortilla is first baked and cooked properly from both sides, without any oil. This is a plain Chappati/Roti like preparation with a bit of salt added for flavor. Once cooked, the filling is spread over the tortilla, which in my case, being a vegetarian, used to be chilies, cut mushrooms and pumpkin flowers. The cheese is then torn into shreds and spread over the rest of the filling to form a layer. The tortilla is then folded and left for some 5-7 minutes so that the cheese gets melted and sticks the two oppsite folded sides of the tortillas and keeping the filling inside the quesadilla. Once fully cooked, it is opened again to put the salsas inside. Depending on your choice you can have any salsa added to your quesadilla.

When served hot, it just melts into your mouth, leaving behind the splendid combined flavor of cheese & mushrooms. For me, it is the best thing you can get for around 13 Mexican pesos, which will leave your stomach full and your taste buds quenched. But for eating quesadilla, I have a rule. I eat it only if I have attended my gym workout the previous evening. This is because it is high in calories and excessive eating may leave you worrying about your bulging tummy :)

So this was my version of the Mexican Quesadilla. There are many other varieties and variations depending on the fillings and on the way it is cooked. You can find more about quesadillas here.

Of India & Indians

2007-12-11T22:07:00.000+05:30

There is so much pride we Indians associate with our country. But you will be surprised to know the outlook of people who see the country from outside it’s borders. These people don’t belong to the uneducated or ignorant lot, but are those who hold masters degrees in finance, who are heading the entire finance departments of big firms, who listen to news daily and are well aware of the world-affairs. Just have a look at some comments I came across on my beloved country & some questions I had to answer, that too patiently.

Are women allowed to touch anyone else other than their husband, father & brothers?
You have only one brother?? I have heard that each family has 8-9 children in India.
India is land of 1100 million people, who share water, bedroom & bathroom. But apart from this over-crowding, it is a nice place.
The govt spends most of the money protecting cows, then some on protecting other animals and whatever is left, on humans.
People have to often leave the country for better development (note the word) and to feed their many children.
India has the largest film production in the world, because the government spends most of its funds on Bollywood instead of feeding it’s people.
Indian people eat only twice a day, have unsafe s*x and beat their wives daily.

Of Paneer-Tikka, Idlys & Tacos

2007-12-11T07:16:00.000+05:30

I really wonder how we can be nostalgic about different things in different situations. Just for example, take the case of the author of this blog.
Around 4 months back, when he was living in Chennai, away from his native state Delhi, he used to miss “authentic” north Indian food like hell. Its not the case that South India doesn’t offer you decent north Indian food, but as you cannot enjoy the real taste of “nariyal chutney & Idly” in a south Indian restaurant in Delhi, the same way the “shahi paneer” wont taste the ‘delicious’ same in a dhaba in Chennai. Anyways, coming back to the point, he always used to crave for good north-Indian-trade-mark-paneer curries and used to wait for the time he would go back to Delhi and savor the food he is missing for long. Every six months or so, he used to satisfy his taste buds during his trips back to north India.

As the fate had in store for him, he was further thrown away to Mexico. He used to tell me how good the Mexican food is and how happily he is enjoying the spicy Mexican delicacies. I heard from him that there’s nothing in this world which tastes better than Tacos & absolutely nothing which can match a hot quesadilla. But it was not long before he started feeling nostalgic again. In a recent conversation I had with him, he admitted that now he is missing the food back in “India” (North or South not applicable) more than ever before. Doesn’t matter whether is Paneer Tikka or Sambhar wada, whether it is Gobhi naan or Onion Utthapam, he just wants some Indian food to eat.

Being a witness for long, to his changing preferences and nostalgias, he makes me think again and again, about the changing preferences of human psyche. I wonder if this is the case only with a weird psycho like him or others too experience the same phenomenon.

Rules

2007-12-06T03:10:00.000+05:30

After a long deep thinking session of around 5 minutes, I think I have discovered the following ‘tested & working” ways to keep yourself happy:-

Live in the present. Don’t give a duck about the past or the future. What has happened you cant change and what is going to happen you cant change much of that too (though many self-help-book-reading maniacs will differ on this), so to live the present moment to the fullest & you will never be sad for another second.
Time to time reflect back on your life and remember all those times when you were really happy. When something really good happened to you or when you got rewarded for something good. Suddenly, you will feel a rush of happiness gushing thru your viens.
Always take out time to do things you love to do. Be it dancing like animals, eating out at your fav place, watching movies or any wild thing on earth. Never hesitate for following your passions.
Always laugh out loud, from deep within your heart. Be with people who make you do that. We don’t realize, but without laughing, our life stinks like a room which hasn’t been exposed to sunlight for months. If you cant have the company of such people, then be one.
Stop having expectations from people. The more you expect from someone, the more you will get hurt. If you don’t expect anything, every thing done by everyone else will be a pleasant surprise. Even if they don’t do something, you will never realize, cauz u didn’t expect anything.
Finally, remember that every passing second reduces your life span by a fraction. Every passing day is one unit less from the total allocated to you. Then why the duck u need to spend it worrying, crying, thinking and being sad. Nothing is worthy enough to make you waste your time worrying on.

What is gone, was never yours. What is yours, you will get anyways. So what is there to think about. Give the best to the present moment and you will always get fabulous returns from life.

(Someone please come and make me believe and follow all this :) )

Being a D00d

2007-12-06T02:21:00.000+05:30

Thinking deeply and observing a bit more closely than we normally do, all of us will realize that we are essentialy, “Alone”. By alone I don’t mean that we don’t have anyone around us to talk, or to share things. What I mean is no matter how close you consider a person to be, at some point or the other he/she will make you feel that you are all by yourself. That may happen unintentionally too, but it happens for sure. In the end, its your inner self only which we will be there to console you when you are all broken and down. And the person, due to which you are having those feelings inside, will be completely ignorant about all this & sometimes will be deliberately ignorant too. You may get frustrated and you will try your best not to think about him, but more u try to throw those things out, more they will return and hit you harder.

Ant its not that you always are on the receiving end. Sometimes you exchange positions and make others feel exactly the same. Hence, this applies to one and all. When some people say that they live in present and don’t care about what happened yesterday and don’t worry about what is going to happen tomorrow, their attitude seems to be a bit unnerving to me. But frankly speaking, they are the happiest people in the world. That’s actually the way to live, to be happy. I cannot idealize someone with that behavior, but a close friend of mine, D00d, is the nearest match. I hope I could change myself to be like that. But due to some close people, whom I love way too much and to whom I have attached myself so strongly (maybe the reverse is not true), I am not able to do the desired. After all, not all of us are’D00ds’ and not all of us are made the same way.

Mein akela nahin hoon

2007-12-04T23:34:00.000+05:30

Dil aise na samajhna ki tu hai akela mushkil mod sahi
Hum rahe they kabhi na kabhi yahan par thodi der aur sahi

Is pal aaye hain, phir kab jaayenge
Kehne sunne aaye they, samajhke jaayenge
Mera na koi hai patha is jagah par
Yun to hai mera yeh jahan
Ambar bhi thehra hai abhi kehkashaan par
Faila hai dekho yahan wahan
Milke barasta yeh chala hai jahan par
Kisi ki marzi hai ho tum aur hum bhi yahan

Jab nahin tha jahan tab se hi koi yahan to
Dil kyon na mil ke rahen
Waqt rahen na sadaa, yun guzar jaayegaa

Dil ek saaye mein mil, reh jaayengi chahe do baatein
Jab chala jaayega, tu chala jaayega

Sunne wale ne, kehne wale ko
Woh baaten sunayi samajhne waalon ko
Taaren bhi kaise timtimathe raaton mein
Koi na tanha hai wahan
Chale hi jaathe hai yeh dil ko lubhaake
Unhi ke jaate hi aaye savera yahan

Dil aise na samajhna ki tu hai akela
Mushkil mod kahin

-Lucky Ali

Tagged

2007-10-21T06:25:00.000+05:30

I am too shy to meet strangers. I avoid it to the maximum extent and agree only when it becomes totally necessary. Though later I always regret doing that since it was not that difficult a thing after all.
I am very conscious about the way my hair’s lookin. Though I don’t have enough to groom, but still it is always a point of utmost consideration for me.
I am scared to hell when it comes to air travel. Though it has been numerous flights now, each time I prepare for a flight, I always consider it as my last one.
I can’t sleep in total darkness. Darkness makes me feel uneasy and till this age, I need my room-mate to accompany me at 1’o clock at night, when I have to park my bike inside the apartment.
I am horribly afraid of insects, specially lizards, cockroaches and spiders. While bathin I always have a feeling that a BIG spider will scroll down the shower and jump directly onto my neck.

For people who have no idea why the hell I have written this crap, here is what ‘tagged’ means. In the world of bloggers, when someone ‘tags’ you, you have to write five arbit things about yourself which other people don’t know. These things can be anything, as long as they r unknown to most of the people.

I was tagged by one of my fellow bloggers (Hema) and hence I ended up composing this post

Marriage ke side effects

2007-10-20T19:24:00.000+05:30

Why does marriage suddenly becomes such a big necessity once you are 25+?

Have you ever heard any superhero getting married? Superman is unmarried, so is Spiderman & Batman. Even the Indian superhero Shaktiman is unmarried. This is because, if they get married, they no longer will be superheroes. Imagine, Spiderman going to save the world suddenly gets a call on his mobile, “Darling, what shall I cook today? Will Dhall and bhindi be good? Please bring some potatoes on the way back home. When are you taking me to McDonalds?” Wives will make life hell for them. “Why do you wear your underwear outside the pants? Wear them inside” Common … if a superhero wears his underwear inside, he no longer is a superhero!!!

So try to comprehend the moral of the story and discover the secret of being a superhero.

(Courtesy – Pyaar ke side effects)

Awakening of the DeViL

2007-10-20T14:16:00.000+05:30

What happens when you suddenly start getting tempted towards all those things which you have abhorred for long? Suddenly you file like listening to the ‘wrong’ you, knowing very well that it is certainly the darker side of you inner self. All your long cherished principles seem to look like unnecessary shackles and you crave to break away free from all of them. You stand in a state of dilemma and cant decide on anything.

This is the awakening of the inner devil, which tempts you to submit yourself to prohibition. Your will weakens and you start bending in front of the dark lord. This is the time when the Satan takes over and you are no longer your normal self. You cant explain your actions and constantly you act contrary to your normal behavior. Each day the same voice echoes in your empty head “Welcome to HELL”

Golden words

2007-10-11T10:20:00.000+05:30

"No one is thinking wrong abt u expect u!!!!"

Some golden words one of my friends told me. I find so much truth in them that its now hard to believe why it didnt dawn upon me before ... The post below this, now feels like absolute crap. I am thankful to that person to make me realize this.

Unnecessary trouble

2007-10-11T09:21:00.000+05:30

People say I think too much & I too sometimes realize the same. But is it wrong to be concerned for people, for their feelings? Is it wrong to expect everyone to be happy with you? Maybe, it is. You can’t keep everyone happy all the time. You are a big fool if you expect that to happen. But what if people unnecessarily have a prejudice about you? For me, its difficult to digest that someone hates me, even if I don’t have anything to do with that person. I know these habits of mine often lead me to unwanted mental troubles, but still, old habits die hard. I just want to be good, good to everyone. That’s all I want to do. But now I realize that its actually a wrong thing to do.

Pathetic

2007-10-09T08:28:00.000+05:30

Pathetic day is a day when nothing goes right, or rather when you want everything to go wrong. You start your day with a pathetic thought, which takes your mind to pathetic levels and you know you are going to be pathetic for the whole day. Your work in office feels pathetic, your colleagues seem to be behaving pathetically, friends seem to be asking pathetic questions, food tastes pathetic and you wish you were pathetically dead. You don’t feel like doing any pathetic usual stuff, don’t feel like being in the same pathetic office and you feel pathetically suffocated. Then continuing the 'patheticity' (remember the word), you go to the pathetic hotel and fall deep into your pathetic slumbers.

Finally, when you wake up, you realize how pathetic the day had been and you curse yourself for being so pathetic. Then you simply sit and write this pathetic blog and wait for another pathetic day to start.

Death is real

2007-10-07T11:05:00.000+05:30

Death!!! You don’t know how real it can be until you see it. You always keep on hearing the crap ... "Death is a reality", "No once can escape death" and all other shit. But these words don’t sink in until ‘it’ crosses your face, until someone you love; dies, until you come to know that someone whom you knew, someone close to you or someone a part of your loved one’s life is gone. People die, and leave behind a void, which can never ever be filled. His near and dear ones will feel his absence forever. He leaves behind the sorrow, the emptiness, the memories, the grief and the never ending ifs and buts. People console, shed a few tears & eventually forget. Life waits for none. But the burden of death, of someone’s absence, someone’s memories is carried lifelong by some unfortunate few.

God does everything for a reason … to hell with the reason; to hell with God and to hell with all the prayers and wishes. What the fuck does God get by creating such painful and pathetic conditions? What good does he do to the family whose support he has taken away? What good has he done to the people who will bear the never ending pain? Nothing, nothing at all. This is not atheism, as some so called believers will preach. This is reality. God is nothing but a hypothetical support for the weak human mind. A means to console our weeping hearts, to support our weak souls, to find a respite for all the problems which daunt us forever. How can someone who is supposed to be a savior bring so much pain on his own children? People will justify with comments like, “God judges you through such situations”, “Everyone who has come, has to go”, and all other never ending crap. But reality is understood by those who see it, who bear the brunt, who feel it and see it on their face. They know what has happened, what has gone, what will never be the same again, no matter how much time passes away, no matter how many new layers of memories cover up the wound. The feeling will remain fresh forever. The feeling of absence. Absence of someone we loved, we loved so much that we never thought that he might be gone some day, without even giving a hint to anyone. Who will suddenly vanish in thin air, leaving us totally helpless. We had to talk to him one more time, we had to say things we always thought we will say some other day; we had to tell him that we love him so much that once he is gone, we will feel so frustratingly pathetic that we couldn’t stop ourselves from shedding a tear each time we think of him.

Live for today, live for NOW. There is no tomorrow. Whatever needs to be done, needs to be now. We never know when he will pull the string. So get up now and tell all your loved ones how much you really care, maybe tomorrow it will be too late.

Parting is painful

2007-09-24T08:53:00.000+05:30

Parting for all of us is most of the times, 'painful'. But has any of you felt a little bit of pain when someone whom you really didn't like or someone with whom you really didn't click, left you and went away? When he/she was with you, you really didnt care about his/her presence. But his absence is bothering you. Maybe only momentarily, but it is.
Same thing happened to me today. I felt that pain, a little trickle of emotion in my heart, a faint sense of sorrow. We spent around 2 months together, most of the times arguing on our different perceptions for things, our conflicting choices and on hundred other issues. I didn't 'liked' him as such and many of his habits pestered me to frustration. But inspite of all this i never developed any sense of hatred.
Today he left & maybe I wont be meeting him again, ever. Cauz, maybe both of us wont take the pain to contact each other when we are in the same city. But his departure made my heart heavy. For a moment i wished that he wont go or that he may come back soon. But i knew, that wont happen. I am repeatedly reminded of him since morning & that feels very weird.
Maybe we dont realize that we will miss someone, untill they are gone.

Petrosh ??? What the Hell !!!

2007-08-17T02:06:00.000+05:30

People have always had problems in pronouncing my name for the first time, not only pronouncing, but also writing and reading. But it’s always the first few times. In two or maximum three attempts they manage to get it right. When I landed in Mexico a month back, I faced the same problem. I had to complete a lot of formalities in the new office and for that I had to fill up many forms. The written part was comparatively easier, at least people can take their time to read my name and then pronounce the way they like. But when it comes to telling them verbally, it is really was a problem.

It started when my manager asked my name. I replied “Pratosh”. He asked back, “What? Petrosh?”. I patiently replied again, “No Jorge, its ‘Pratosh’”. He fired back,”Yeah, that’s what I am saying, ‘Petrosh’”. I understood it’s no use convincing him. So I gave him a frustrated smile and just laughed away the matter. But I never knew that that will be the way people will start calling me from that day onwards. Most surprisingly, all Mexican people who meet me, pronounce my name in exactly the same way. Also, each of them has the same question after hearing my name. “Petrosh is a Russian name right” And each time I think that there is no use telling them that its not “Petrosh” and also its not a Russian name.

I always had a feeling that people find it difficult pronouncing my name, but Mexico has given an entirely new dimension to that thought. I am afraid that by the time I leave this place, my ears would have been so much used to “Petrosh” that “Pratosh” will sound like some stupid “Russian” name.

Friday evening FUN

2007-08-11T22:06:00.000+05:30

Friday evening is a time to relax. Somehow we get into a joyous mood and suddenly all the tiredness of the whole week is gone and we start planning for things to be done during the weekend. We usually think that we’ll utilize the Friday evening to the fullest. We’ll watch movies or hang out somewhere or maybe just chill out with our friends at night.

Here in Mexico I think the people have comprehended this thing very well and are using it to promote their business better than anyone else anywhere in the world. It was the same happy Friday evening when I started for my hotel from the Volkswagen facility in Puebla, Mexico. I had just come out of the main gate when I saw around three to four girls standing in the open area in the front of the office. They were holding some papers in their hands and were giving out some cards to the people passing by. I had no idea what it was but was really surprised that such beautiful girls were given a work like this. When I crossed one of them, she handed over two cards to me and said something in Spanish which I couldn’t understand. But her way of dressing and all the makeup she had put on, really amazed me. Her dressing was impeccable and she was looking damn sexy. I took the card and walked away after giving a smile, the smile conveying that I didn’t understand a word of what she just said. Just have a look at how the card looked.

I was so amazed that how these things can happen right in the open. Maybe this was the first time that I was exposed to such stuff or maybe I was overreacting. But I really appreciate the mid behind this idea. People are usually in a mood to enjoy and relax when they are coming out from the office, especially on a Friday evening and that guy has taken this fact to such an advantage of his. I’m sure that if not all, then 4 out of 10 people would fall for this, because most of them are living in hotels and are working away from home. My friends who are doing their management degrees can use this instance as a case study for their business discussions.

Gone With The Wind

2007-06-13T18:03:00.000+05:30

May18th 2007 – the day when we decided to have a trip to Pondicherry. I always had a hidden sense of adventure in my heart which was pushing me for long now, to have a long trip on a bike. So I thought this would be the perfect occasion to quench the thirst. We planned the trip and started for Pondy on 19^th afternoon. We were a total of 7 people, 5 in a car and two on the bike. I was traveling on the bike along with my dear friend Amir. We decided that half the journey Amir would be driving and the other half, I’d be speeding through. Soon we found ourselves speeding away on the ECR (East Coast Road), which connects Pondy and Chennai. The road is a gem of an engineering work. Being as smooth & inviting as Aishwarya’s cheeks, no matter how cautious a driver you are, it sucks you in its sense of adventure and literally forces you to go full throttle.

I’ve been driving bikes & scooters for the past 7 years now, but never in my life I dared to go beyond 80. When I started driving on the busy roads of Delhi after my 12^th exams, my Dad once told me “Son, it’ll never be on busy roads that you’ll meet with an accident. Open & free runways are what lure into danger”. It was not that I always pay heed to all his words, it was only because of the restrictions posed by the mechanical state of the 1990 Suzuki bike that I never speeded beyond 80.

So as it was destined, me and Amir were piercing through the ECR at a speed of 98+ km/h with Amir at the driver’s seat. The wind was hitting hard on our faces and I was taking photographs from his N73. It was hardly an hour and a half when we were half way through and decided to take a pit stop to ease our burning asses. Now it was my turn to drive. I go onto the bike and in a matter of seconds the speedometer was reading “100”. We were cruising towards Pondy, overtaking buses, sumos, cars and other petty looking two wheelers. It was a feeling of abnormal excitement, and an unjustified sense of pride (pride of driving at 100+). It was after almost an hour when that fateful turn came. It was a steep one and somehow ignoring the basics of safe driving, I maneuvered the turn at top speed. The combination of high speed and laterally hitting wind took its toll and the bike was immediately swept off the road. We crashed and skidded at 100 kmph with my body bearing the brunt of the crash. Before I could realize what exactly had happened I felt some pain in my hand and heaviness in my head. Next I heard Amir asking me “Pratosh, r u fine?” I stood up, saw Amir and the bike lying helplessly on the ground and tried to figure out what had happened. But my dizziness didn’t allow me to stand for long and the next moment I was lying down unconscious.

The next thing I remember was a shouting Amir trying to bring me back into my senses. I got up, drank some water brought by a kind stranger and saw my profusely bleeding hand. At that very moment remembered my father’s words, “Open and free runways are what lure you into danger”. I was literally able to see through my flesh and describe precisely how the bone looked. In Amir’s words “D00d, I think you have lost some flesh”. Immediately Amir took out his N73 and made a video, interviewing me about the experience of my first accident. I was subsequently taken to a hospital in Pondy where I had a minor surgery on my right elbow. I recovered from my injuries after 3 days of hospitalization in Chennai and took a week’s off from office.

Now that my wounds have fully healed and I am planning another bike trip to Pondy, I look back at the accident and remember the lessons I have learnt the hard way. As I have repeated many times in front of my friends, it was an “overreaction to excitement”. As a passer by would have thought while seeing us tumbling on the road, we were literally “Gone with the wind”.

What crap !!!

2007-06-11T21:49:00.000+05:30

It’s quite difficult to keep yourself patient and composed when you don’t know where you are going to put your next step. When darkness of uncertainty is all you can see lying ahead on your path. They say one is the creator of one’s own destiny, but many times in our lives, as most of us will certainly testify, our fate and destiny is shaped by decisions which others take and we have no other option than to quietly accept it. What are we supposed to do at that time? When all we can do is just waiting for what someone else decides for you.

I get to see contrasting shades in this fantastic fabric of human life. On one hand I can see careless or shall I say carefree souls, wandering about in their own sense of aloofness, in their self created world of joy, least bothered of what’s going to happen next. I call them the “Free souls”. On the other hand I see people completely dedicated, focused and determined to walk on a single path. Though honestly, I have rarely come across such people. Is it because I am bad at spotting them or is their number too less to be noticed? To be absolutely frank, I am equally attracted by either kind, although I don’t really know that to which class I belong.

Staying focused is really a tough ask. But that’s what bears fruits for you. There are times when you feel a sudden rush of adrenaline which pumps up your spirits and you think that nothing is unachievable for you. But it soon fades and you are back to your normal lazy self.

What crap am I writing? Am I thinking too much? Or am only thinking for that matter? I hate this side of mine, the philosophical one. Amir is right in telling me – “Dude, you think too much. Enjoy life as it comes” Or maybe me inner self is right in constantly whispering to me – “Man !!! Its time for you to come out of your thoughts and really do something.”

Finally I got it

2007-05-17T17:50:00.001+05:30

Yes! Finally I got it. I got my passport yesterday after a long torture of 6 months. I had almost lost all hopes of getting one when I last visited the passport office. All the formalities regarding my verification and the one problematic Delhi file were over and I was quite sure that I’ll get things straightened this time. As always, I got the appointment with the PRO and then was called by a lady sitting in the PRO office (I’m sure she’s not the main PRO, but only someone who’s sharing the burden). This lady seems cunning in the first glance itself. It seems as if an expression of frown is permanently etched on her face and yet she manages to wear a plastic smile every time you go to meet her. So, she called and told me to sit. She opened my file, had a careless glance and immediately reacted, “The procedure for your case is still not over!” I asked her what the problem was, for which she started turning the pages of my file. Seeing a fax attached with my file, she told, “A fax has been sent to the Delhi office and we are still waiting for the response” Fortunately, I had checked the status of the fax just before meeting her and confirmed that the Delhi file has been closed. So I told her, Madam, the Delhi passport office has already responded for that fax and the file has been closed. Now, she started hitting me with other excuses – Local address not verified – Delhi address not verified – Police report not received – etc. Finally she told me (Plz note the politeness) “We haven’t received the Police repot for your Delhi verification. Don’t come to us again and again and bother us. Go and check with the police department, this is not our headache.” I was really startled by this rude reaction and felt red-faced in front of so many people. I had a why-the-fuck-did-I-come-here look on my face. Tears waiting to roll out, I went to one of my friend’s father’s contact in the passport office and told him the incident. He told that he’ll look into my file and asked me to call the next day. By this time I had lost all hope of seeing my pic on a passport. I called my Dad with a heavy heart and told him all that happened. Suddenly I was feeling very lonely and vulnerable.

Next day I again went to the passport office and asked that uncle whether he checked my case. He informed me, to my relief that everything was fine, the Delhi report has come to the office but is not physically traceable. He said that he’ll take up my case with a different PRO and get things done in 2 days. The was he had worked till now (making me wait for 4 hrs daily and never picking up my calls) I thought that this is one more of his delay tactics. But to my amazement, within two days the status of my application had changed on the website. Now it read “Your passport is being prepared. It’ll be dispatched within 7 working days”. There was no limit to my happiness. Next day I went to the Post Office to talk to the postman, so that in case he comes to deliver the passport and I’m not at home, he would call and inform me. The guy there told that the postman will be available only after 2’o clock. I thought that I’ll take a leave and meet him tomorrow. I started my bike and started towards my home. As I reached home, I saw to postman looking human beings standing in front of the door. I asked them that my passport is about to come in a couple of days and I wont be here at home, so please in case it come … as I was saying this, he asked “What’s your name?” To my amazement he told “I have your passport right now with me” I felt like dancing on the street. He verified my identity and handed over the passport to me.

So finally the journey came to an end. I got what I was yearning for. Finally I was a proud passport holder. I realized at that time, that the happiest moments in your life come in the most unexpected way.

Also read:
My passport Ordeal
My passport Ordeal - Contd...

Excess leads to wastage

2007-04-26T10:53:00.000+05:30

Last week my office was shifted to a new location outside the city. The duration of travel, which was previously five to ten minutes has now increased to 2 hours. Suddenly, I find myself scarce of time. But there is something very unusual which I have noticed wrt my daily routine. Previously, when I used to have hell lot of time, both at home and in office, most of time was spent either sleeping, or watch TV or if in office, hanging out in the cafeteria with other friends. But now I have to get into the cab early at 0630 in the morning and I reach office by 8. Then in the evening, I have to start from office at 1700. So during these 9 hours at office, I have to complete all my work, post some stupid blogs like this in between and do all the other official work. After reaching home at 1900, I have to spend 70 odd minutes at the gym, do the daily studies (which are not regular anyways), cook something for dinner and then sleep timely so that I can get up on time. In the midst of such a tight schedule I don’t have time to sit idle or waste it on petty things. I am utilizing my time much more effectively now. I find time to read in the newspaper (morning cab), to read some books (evening cab time), regularly going to the gym (its easier to be regular in the evenings) and a bit of studies too.
Hence from all this and many other examples from my life, I have learnt this lesson. The more we have, the more we tend to waste. When the water is plenty, we take 2 buckets to bathe, but when there is a scarcity, we can manage in half a bucket too. When we have plenty of food, we overeat or tend to waste it. But when its in shortage, we relish each and every bite. Same applies to time too. When we have plenty of it, we have time to feel bored, to be frustrated, to think about faaltu things which otherwise wont cross our mind. But when our day is packed, we tend to complete all tasks to perfection and also, we feel contended and complete at the end of the day. So all this hassle and busyness, which I got due to this shift in office location, has in a way come as a boon in disguise. I thank myself and my office for keeping me so so so busy.

Apna Sapna – Money Money

2007-04-18T10:28:00.001+05:30

Why is money so important in life? No matter what we say, no matter how unworldly we consider our selves, no matter how detached we project ourselves from material bonding, all of us need “more” money. Till now, the extent to which money mattered in my life was that I needed it for eating out, going for movies & some occasional gifting. Everything else was taken care by my mom and dad. But now as I have got a tag of “Self proficient” pasted on my forehead, the entire headache is mine. Now I have to think about where and how much to spend. How I’ll manage my savings, where shall I invest, how to save tax and all other monetary crap. Also, most importantly I have started worrying about how much others are spending and earning. OMG, Aakash has got a bonus. Holy shit, Pradeep gets 10k as allowance every month, and the list goes on.

Is that really worth thinking? How does it matter who is earning how much? Will they give me something if they earn so much? Or will I start earning more if I keep on worrying bout their earnings? But we tend to think this way, no matter how much we denounce the thought. Money is one thing which is the source of around 75% of our daily quota of worrisome thoughts. (Remember that old saying? All the feuds in this world have two main causes – money & woman). Everyone is thinking how to earn more, save more and at the same time, to spend no less. Shall I put my money in Stocks … shall I invest it in gold … shall I put it in real estate … blah blah blah …

Its been 2 years now (Approx 21 salaries) since I’m earning, and to be absolutely honest, I haven’t invested even a single rupee anywhere. Maybe this financial wisdom has not dawning upon me yet. Waiting for the time I’ll start saving … for a better future. All this reminds me of one very funny quote “Saving policies ensure that u save your entire life, living miserly, so that eventually, you die rich”

Determination Determines

2007-04-16T22:18:00.001+05:30

Daily we hear or read a lot of quotes which really inspire us. We like them, pin them up on the board, keep them as status on our messengers and then in a day or two, replace them with another good one. The first them gets gradually erased from our mind and finally we forget it completely. But the title of this post is a quote, to which I really gave some serious thought. “Determination Determines” – this is such a real truth. Determination and Discipline is what determines the outcome of most of our endeavors. If carefully thought, both these words are almost synonymous. They kind of co-exist. If one is there, the other will automatically come.

All this sounds so inspiring and correct, but only till its time to do some implementation. Once it comes to actions, we tend to succumb to our own temptations. Just for example, I’m trying to shed some weight for the past 4-5 years. One thing or the other always postponed my plans of joining a gym. In college it was the pressure of studies (only hypothetical) and my Dad’s refusal, which stopped me from going to that very much worshipped self proclaimed fitness temple. Now that finally I have enough money and some time too, l think its lack of determination and self discipline which is stopping me. For the past 3 months I’m religiously paying the 730 bucks but hardly attending the gym 20 days a month. Sometimes I’m too lazy to wake up in the morning, sometimes its office which creates an unavoidable situation & sometimes I end up too tired to do anything. Bit I really feel that if someone really wants to do something, no one can stop him from that. Then I’m forced to think that if I really lack determination?

Exactly like this very moment, every second day I fill up my heart with determination and decide that my life will change from tomorrow. But as they say .. Tomorrow never comes !!!!

Pressure, fear & uneasiness

2007-04-16T11:24:00.000+05:30

Things have changed quite a lot in the past 2 years. I can see my life completely in contrast with what it used to be before. I have started feeling the pressure now. Pressure of being something in life, pressure of expectations of everyone, pressure to get married, pressure of working towards a happy future, pressure of initiating my savings plan and the list never ends. Why is 25 such an uncertain age? Why have I suddenly started feeling so uneasy about everything? These thoughts were there before too, these pressures are not at all new, and then why suddenly have I started feeling so insecure and vulnerable?

I am afraid of commitment, I’m afraid of the change marriage will bring into my life, I’m afraid of the idea that a thought of one more soul will get attached to all the decisions I’ll be making, I’m afraid of loosing my freedom, I’m afraid of putting my self into an endless cycle of giving explanations for all my actions, of justifying each and every decision of mine. I don’t think I’m ready for these things. I think I still need to achieve a lot before getting buried under all these responsibilities.

I blame God for all this. Why did he make me grow old so quickly? It was only yesterday when I was so happy with my friends in school and in the neighborhood, when I didn’t even care about these things. I don’t want to grow old any further. 25 is hell lot of years I have added into my life. I don’t want more.

My Passport Ordeal - Contd ...

2007-04-11T11:21:00.000+05:30

My journey towards acquiring a passport hit yet another roadblock yesterday. I went to the passport office along with a reference of one of my friend's dad. The person whom i was supposed to meet told me to wait near the PRO's office till he comes there with my file, that was 1400 IST. Finally that guy turned at 1730 IST and took me to the PRO. The problem this time is the application that I filed at the Delhi office. All the formalities are over at the Chennai office, but they need this Delhi file to be closed before they can proceed with the matter here.
So i am again stuck in a deadlock. Maybe I have to travel to Delhi to get the matters sorted out. What I'm afraid of is, if i get an onsite opportunity in between then I'll miss a golden chance. Anyways things will happen only when they have to. I was a bit sad and frustrated yesterday but now I'm feeling much better. Was a bit sad and frustrated yesterday but I know being that way wont help. So back to my jolly self again, but the very thought of passport brings back a tinge of sadness in me. Lets see how much time it takes from now for me to happily put another post on my blog, titled "Finally i got it".

When I missed the chance

2007-04-09T11:12:00.000+05:30

Last Thursday I was chatting with one of my dearest friends on net. It was nothing too prolonged or extended, rather only a simple hi-hello. He replied to some of my usual questions, (Howz the work going on? Whats new at ur end? Had ur food ?) and I did the same for some of his "usuals". Then suddenly he told me "Pratosh, please call me when you find time". He is not the sort of guy who will normally ask anyone to do that, so i thought there must be something serious he wants to discuss. I was sitting in office, a bit busy, so i told him that I'll surely call him later during the day. But among all the disturbances and distractions at office it somehow slipped off my mind that I have to call him. The day went past and I didn't call him. Next day I realized my mistake and gave him a call in the morning. I asked him what the matter was and was there something he wanted to discuss. He replied that there was nothing much important to tell, but only that he was feeling very low yesterday and wanted someone to talk, he asked me to call. This really came as a sad shock to me. My friend wanted to share his feelings with me when he was down & all i did was to forget to call him. I know that i have lost the moment. No matter what he tells now, it'd never be the same as it'd had been yesterday.
This really happens a lot with most if us. Just because we act a bit careless, just because we dont care to spare five mins to call someone, we don't find ourselves there when one of our loved ones needed us. When some of our dear friend wanted us to be there, to just lend a listening ear. In the end, we dont have anything but to repent and regret. Because we know that we have missed the moment, we have missed the chance. The chance to be there when our friend wanted us. After all, friendship is not only meant to share the happiness but the sorrows as well.

My Passport Ordeal

2007-03-21T11:04:00.000+05:30

Having a passport is something which comes quite naturally to most of us. We either got it when we were in college or just before joining our job or in the worst case, 2 or 3 months after starting with our first job. Passport has become something as important as your degree certificate or say your DOB certificate. Most of the companies today ask for a passport before they let you in.
It's been two years for me since i joined my very first job here in Hexaware and I still dont have a passport. I know its unbelievable so don't open your mouth any wider. I applied for my passport in Delhi while leaving for Chennai in July'2005. The I joined my new job and since there were no immediate plans of any overseas journey I didnt bother how things are going on the Passport front. Then suddenly when friends and acquaintances started going onsite, it dawned upon me to enquire about my passport. I sent my file no to Delhi and came to know that the file has been closed there. So I decided to lodge a fresh application in Chennai. Here is how things have taken shape till now

Jul'05: My first passport Application filed in Delhi

Nov'06: Fresh Application filed in Chennai

Dec'06: I met the passport officer at the police station who took Rs200 and promised to do the verification and send back the file ASAP

Jan'06: I again met the passport officer who still had my file with him and refused to recognize me. I again gave him Rs300, showed all my original docs and got my verification done.

Jan'06: Status of the passport changed "Please meet the PRO on any working day between 10 and 1230 AM"

Jan'06: Met the PRO who asked one of the Chennai addresses to be verified. "Fill up the PP form and submit it. We'll refer your application again"

Feb'06: Met the passport officer yet again, who again failed to recognize me. He verified the second address and again took Rs300.

Mar'06: File sent to Delhi for the verification of the permanent address. Things were done and another Rs500 were fed to the passport Dept.

Today: The status of the passport is the same as it was 2 months back <"Please meet the PRO on any working day between 10 and 1230 AM">.

Finally I'm planning to go to the Passport office tomorrow and check for the status. You might be thinking why didn't i do that till now. The reason is, even for a simple enquiry, you have to stand for at least 1 and a half hour in the queue & that too in the scorching sun. Lets see what is the next objection they have on my file and how much time and money it'll take to resolve that. I have opportunities of Onsite travel but what I dont have is a passport.

If anyone of you can help me in any way my File Ref no is A060695 / 06

Current Status
Total Money Spent : Rs 1300

Total Time Elapsed : 5 months

Keep visiting this place for latest updates. :)

The BIG choice

2007-03-15T09:15:00.000+05:30

A time comes in our life when we need to decide on something BIG. Where we have two options to choose from, whose degree of temptation is inversely proportional to the degree of benefit they can bring to you. And most of us just do the utterly predictable, go after the more luring one. There can be many reasons for us to act this way. Firstly, we might be naive enough not to see the real good thing. Secondly, we choose one over the other cauz the former is giving instantaneous rewards or just because the first is a much easier way to walk on. But the future is always uncertain. You never know where that choice of yours can lead you to. Honestly speaking, as everyone of us has realized at some point in our lives, we are nothing but the choices we make. I chose to write a blog at this point of time, thats why I'm letting people know whats going on in my mind. You chose to read it, so you wasted 5 precious minutes of your life on this useless thing.

I, like everyone else, am confronted with a lot of choices daily. But as self loathing as it can get, i never embark upon the correct ones. Knowing whats wrong and what right or rather what'll make me happy and what'll sadden me, i seldom choose the correct path. I have in a way found happiness and solace in self contempt. I have found peace with the feeling of not doing anything. Even after knowing that the path I'm walking on wont lead me anywhere, I'm happily toddling on it. Maybe one day I'll die with my dreams buried in my heart. Only because i didn't have enough courage and will to pursue them.

Who is this strange fellow?

2007-03-14T15:26:00.000+05:30

A strange thing happened with me today at lunch. I finished my food and went to the wash room to get my hands cleaned. As i was using the wash basin, I saw my face in the mirror, which I normally do. But something was different this time. I noticed someone very familiar and very strange & unknown at the same time. I wasn't able to figure out what exactly i felt at that time.

Have you ever seen yourself closely enough? All of us stand in front of the mirror daily for at least 10 minutes or so . But how many of us have really observed ourselves closely? If you happen to do so some day, maybe you too will experience this weird feeling. It seems as though we are seeing someone whom we don't exactly know. When I saw myself there in the mirror, I thought that if I hadn't been me, how would I have judged this person whom I'm seeing right now? Then suddenly i had a feeling of self confidence and elation ... "Yes, this is how I look ... I'm not that bad after all !! " Believe me, stare at yourself for about 5 minutes in the mirror and see how weird and strange things cross your mind. Things which you normally wont think about, things which maybe, will force you to think.
Believe me ... we dont exactly know ourselves!!!

Intelligent Advertising

2007-01-16T09:34:00.000+05:30

Last Saturday I went to Satyam cinemas in Chennai to watch the movie "Kabul Express". Though the expectations weren't too high, the movie turned out to be a good one (Good for me, as I was the one who insisted upon watching the movie against my friends' wish). It was the "Interval" time when I got nature's call and i found myself heading towards the loo. After a minute's break I got an empty slot and without any further delay I got hold of it .The loos are very very crowded during the Intervals I tell you. Unless and untill Its an emergency I always avoid going at that time. And as if the crowd thing wasn't enough, you have 4 people standing on your head, waiting for you to get off. This enormous pressure sometimes makes the whole thing much more difficult for me. It seems likes ages before I'm done ....
Anyways, moving to the main thing about which this post is all about, as i was easing myself standing there i noticed something very intelligently thought of. Just above each of the standing places (this is the way they are in men's loo), right at your eye level, there was a small 40x40 cms area allotted for advertisements. This is one place where its the weakest probability of someone missing the Ad. See how cleverly they have thought about it. They know that whoever comes there will spend a min standing still, staring at the wall ahead of him, and there is no way he'll miss reading the Ad. I was amazed by this innovative idea. Advertising has certainly found new grounds, or one may say "new walls".

Can you answer this?

2006-11-11T19:12:00.000+05:30

Yesterday I was reading a book "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari". Its really a nice book which makes you think. While going through it I found a really intriguing comment made by the author. It read,

"The Key to eternal happiness is Find out what you truly love to do and then devote all your energy towards it "

After reading this, I was forced to question myself, "Whats that one thing which I'll love to do?" Though there are many things I really love to do and can continue doing for hours at a stretch without even bothering for my meals (I mentioned that cauz meals are one of the most important events of my day ), but I cant really make a living out of that. Say for example, I love cooking, but that doesnt mean i quit my job and become a chef. I love travelling, photography, surfing the net, but these things cant earn me a living.

The job which I'm doing right now is more a thing by chance than by choice. Got selected through campus, got into a S/W company & the company decided that I have to work for a Bank. Is this what i really love to do? Certainly not. If that would have been the case, I wouldnt be feeling sleepy daily after lunch, I wouldnt be counting days left for the weekend, I wouldnt be frowning watching the calendar shwing yet another Monday. Then Whats that I really want?

Do you have an answer for this? Do you know something you love so much that you can devote all your time towards it? And most importantly, are you courageous enough to quit what you are doing right now and switch over to that thing? I get really confused when i ask these questions to myself. What about you?

Time has come

2006-10-02T11:48:00.000+05:30

Time has come to change things. To free my mind of unnecessary concerns. To stop running on a foggy path. To stop trekking a way which is full of maybe very unpleasant uncertainities. How long can you cling to things which are dead .. dead emotions, dead feelings, dead shadows from the past? These things only blur your thinking, tie you up with heavy boulders. Why unnecessarily drag things along? Time to be free, to feel free of burden, burden which you have thrust upon yourself, on your mind, your conscience. You cannot punish yourself forever, you cannot make guilt a permanent part of your thoughts.
So, its time to cut off the old, weak, lose, rotten strings. Trying to climb with their help will ensure a fall. A Fall down the steep mountain called life. And I ceratrainly believe that I'm not the one destined for such disasterous outcomes.

Constant Conflict

2006-09-20T02:14:00.000+05:30

I dont remember a single day when I didnt have a fight with myself, a day when i didnt condemn myself for something, a day when i didnt feel guilty of doing something which i thought wasnt good for me. These matters of concern can range from what I'm eating, to how much I'm spending, to how I'm spending my time and what not. As the title of the blog suggests, i really feel sometimes, "Is this the way to live?"

The expectations are huge, not those which others have from me, rather the ones which i'm having from myself. But maybe the thoughts outnumber the actions. Its more of thinking than doing. For the past 6+ years I'm constantly waiting for that right day to arrive when i'll start working towards what i need. Where exactly does the confusion lie? Is the goal not clear? It is. Is there a scarcity or resources? No. Is time posing a constraint? Definitely not. Then what? Maybe lack of that burning desire, that thirst for success, lack of motivation, I really cant understand. Just drifting through life, without any zeal, any energy, any joy. Walking the path i never chose to walk on, sailing aimlessly towards a destination whcih I'm completely unaware of. Just floating with the life's currents, not making any attempt to resist, to make my own way, to have my own say.

I remember one of my childhood quotes "The easiest thing in this world is to advise". I read this when I was in 6th standard, but never really got hold of it's real meaning. But today i can pose myself as a perfect example of these words. Giving lenghty advises, tons of encouragement, loads of positive thoughts, is something i am best at. If you want to hear all the good philosophies about life, about living happily, about motivation, then i promise i wont disappoint you. Someone very close to me once said these words "All he has is Words". Maybe he knew me the best.

Imagine yourself standing in a function where you see people standing besides you climbing up the stage, one by one, getting rewards for all the good they've done, for all the success they've achived, and you, just clapping and applauding for them. Clapping and appreciating all the way through, watching the happiness on other's faces, the pride on the faces of their parents, dreaming one day you'd be there, and then clapping again. Shedding a tear here and there, in other's succeess, other's happiness and then in your own sorrow. Finally the function is over & you move out with a pain in your heart, just to be present there next time someone gets rewarded, to be present to clap again, to applaud again, to dream again & to cry again.

The hardest thing to do, for me at least, is to materialise my dreams. Everyone dreams of making it big, but only some actualy do it. Rest of them, like me, stand in the audience to sigh at our own failure. A failure which I designed and planned for mtself . A failure which I got because I didnt have the courage to act, because I didnt possess enough strength to endure the pain of hard work, because I was always comfortable in the way I was living, never wanted to take the pains of giving up the leisures. I see people rising, people who were with me one day, people who are in no way different from me, then I talk about them, with astonishment; "Hey! you know Rahul got a call from all 6 IIMs", "Yaar, a friend of my cousin got a persentile of 99.9"; and finally I dream again, I dream to be in that league one day, i decide to work from tomorrow, and tomorrow never comes.

Yeh hai meri kahani, khamosh zindagani. Sounds boring right? Some chapter out of tragedy novel. Some words from a speech of a loser, a discouraged and an unmotivated soul. But thats what I feel for myself. I know its negative, i know it wont help, i know it wont take me anywhere, but still its the way I've chosen to think, chosen to live. Because life is nothing, but a sequence of Choices. and my choices are definitely not the correct ones.