Me, Myself & Lufthansa

Date – 12^th Mar’08
Place – Chennai, India
Characters involved – Me, Sonu (My roommate), LTA - Lufthansa ticketing agent, LFM - Lufthansa flight manager, Mohan – from my company's travel desk

Me – Sonu, its already 8:30 man, lets go and have dinner, otherwise I will get late.
Sonu – Bhaiyya!! Your flight is at 1:45 AM, so relax. It won’t leave without you.
Me – Yes man, I know that, but still I always prefer being at the airport at least 2 hours in advance, in case something goes wrong.
Sonu – OK, we’ll just go and have dinner & then you can leave

As we started for dinner, I got the call from the cab driver asking me the exact location of the place. I somehow explained him the way, since he didn’t know English & I had intense problems in speaking Tamil. As we started walking towards the restaurant, it started raining. By the time we finished our dinner, it was pouring down heavily. We somehow managed to reach back home in time and get into the taxi. Since it was late at night and once I go inside the checking area I can’t meet anyone, I told Sonu to stay back and wished him goodbye.

I reached the airport around 10:30 PM. Got my luggage checked and stood in the queue for checking in. Since I was early, in hardly 5 minutes, I found myself facing the guy on the counter.

LTA – Sir, can I have your passport and booking reference please?
Me – Yeah sure (Handed over both the things with a smile)
LTA – Please keep your luggage on the platform for weighing

(At this point I was a bit apprehensive as I expected my luggage to be a few kilos heavier than allowed. But having prior flying experience through the same airline, I expected it to go smooth. Suddenly, my thought process was broken by the LTA’s voice)

LTA – Sir, your luggage is above the permissible weight, you have to pay taxes if you want to carry all of this.
Me – Ok, by how much is it exceeding the limit? How much do I have to pay?

(Expecting a figure of some 4-5 kilos, I thought I will talk it over. But I was totally rattled by his reply)

LTA – Sir, it is 30 Kgs above the limit and you have to pay a sum of Rs 75,000 INR.

(At first I couldn’t believe what I heard, but then I thought he has made some mistake and I should explain)

Me – The weight limit for the check-in luggage is 23 Kgs per piece right? And I am allowed two pieces.
LTA – No Sir, for all flights going to North America via Europe, the total weight of the luggage allowed per passenger is 20 Kgs
Me – Boss !! This is the third time I am having this trip & I this is my 5^th check-in at your counter. When did the baggage rules change?
LTA – Sir, the baggage rules are the same for the past 3 years. There is certainly some confusion here. You can see on your e-ticket, it is clearly mentioned - 20Kgs per passenger

(To my horror, it was indeed mentioned below the flight details. “Have I been ignoring this all the time I was going to Mexico? Ok, even if I ignored, how did these people allow me?” Seeing my blank white face & the long queue formed behind me, he spoke again -)

LTA – Sir, people are waiting. If you have any problems with this, I will suggest that you talk to our flight manager.

(I nodded my head in consent & he called for someone from the back-office. I unloaded my luggage from the platform, put it back on the trolley and started walking away from there, with an embarrassed face. People standing in the queue were staring at me, as if I just broke some international-flying-law. The flight manager appeared in a moment with a big walkie-talkie in her hand. By seeing her face itself I knew she would be a tough nut)

LFM – How can I help you Sir?
Me – Maam, this is my third trip from India to Mexico & suddenly your people are telling me that I can carry only half the amount of what I have carried on all my trips.
LFM – Sorry Sir, but our rules are the same for the past 3 years. I am sure some confusion has happened on your side. As you can see, the same thing is clearly mentioned on your ticket.

(I knew that I have already lost the battle, but I still tried to convince that lady giving all sort of arguments. But as I estimated from the first glance, she was totally “un-negotiable”. I called up the travel desk at my company who told they will try to help but it may take some time. As there was hardly an hour left for the last check-in, I decided to do the inevitable. I called my room mate and told him to come to the airport)

Me – Sonu, I am stuck in thick soup, please take the bike and come here ASAP. I don’t have time.
Sonu – Why? What happened suddenly?
Me – No time for reciting the whole Ramayana right now, I have to return half my things, you come here quickly.
Sonu – Ok, don’t worry. I will be there in 30 minutes.

My face was red like an apple. I felt as if all the blood has come and collected inside my head. I was not able to understand what to do. How will I do away with half the stuff? How will I reduce the total weight to 20 Kgs? After a couple of minutes, I realized there is no way out & I have to go ahead with this. I took a deep breath and found a small place at the middle of the hall to do the re-packing. I laid down both my luggage & opened them. The only thing to me relief at that time was the fact that I had distributed things evenly between the two pieces of luggage. So I just opened them and put all the stuff I had to return in one luggage.
A pair of formal shoes, a pair of sports shoes, shampoo bottle, cosmetics, books, some casual clothes, and all other things I thought I could manage without. I took out some books and kept them in my cabin baggage. Finally I re-packed everything and started looking for Sonu. In another 10 mins I got a call from him telling that he is waiting at the entrance. I got up, picked my luggage and as I was about to take the first step, all the stuff from my cabin baggage came out and got scattered all around me. Gosh!! I forgot to close it. I could feel the staring eyes around me. I somehow stuffed everything inside only to find an African woman photographing me sitting in the midst of the mess. I ignored her and walked towards Sonu. Handed over the luggage to him and gave sincere thanks. Then I walked back towards the counter and checked in what all was left with me.

My luggage was still around 10 Kgs above the limit, but being a witness to what I went thru during the past 1 hour, the LTA didn’t utter a word and handed me the boarding pass. I proceeded for emigration with the” how-I-am-going-to-manage-with-so-little-stuff” thought lingering in my mind. As I was standing in the emigration queue, the guy from travel desk called up.

Mohan – Pratosh, just now the Lufthansa people told me that you have checked in. So I suppose it’s not a problem now.
Me – Yes Mohan, I sent by half my stuff & I don’t even know what all I have with me. So I too suppose that it really isn’t a problem right now.

He sensed the frustration in my voice and decided to cut the call after a brief wish-u-a-happy-journey conversation. I passed through the emigration and final security just to reach the terminal in time for the boarding call.

Lufthansa – There is no better way to fly

Access denied

A toilet is one place in this world where people can move in and out freely, no matter where it is. Be it a restaurant, an airport, your office, or any other public place, “paid-toilets” being an exception, no one will stop you from using the place. Even a stranger will allow you to come and pee in his/her toilet if there is an absolute emergency and nowhere to go.

But things are astonishingly different in my office here in Mexico City. On my first day in office, I had an urgent nature’s call, when I found myself struggling to open the toilet door. It just won’t open. Then I thought that maybe the toilet on this floor is not functional, so I will try the one on the next floor. But it was the same story at each floor. Under such a “pressurized” situation, I can’t even go and ask someone, as people don’t understand English. Also, it would have been quite embarrassing to ask someone in sign language that “Boss!! Why this darn gate doesn’t open? I have to pee!!!”

Finally after an hour’s wait some of my Indian colleagues arrived and from them I came to know that the toilets have been locked. Each employee of the bank has been given a separate key to the toilet. It is just like giving an access card. For a single lock, they have made around 400+ keys and distributed them among the employees.

What stupid concept is this? No one is going to come from outside the bank just to use the toilet, that too when you have a big private building with access controls everywhere. Neither have you engraved your toilet pots with precious stones, so that someone will come and steal them. You have an ordinary toilet, which most of the people will use for normal purposes only. What is the need of doing this stupidity?

On that very day I made sure I have a key to that “protected & confidential zone” so that I don’t have to wait for ages before I can do something that I used to do at my will at other places.

Freaky coincidence

OK, another one for the fight experiences this time. This is a freaky coincidence which is happening with me right from the time I took my first flight. And its not that it happens only 3 out of 5 times, rather the probability of occurrence is 1, i.e. no longer it is a probability, and rather it has become a certainty. I know it would be hard to believe, but you have to.

Each time I travel by air, the seat next to me is always empty. I’ve been on approximately 8 domestic and 10 international flights till date and never have I been sitting next to an occupied seat. The height was reached when I was returning to India from Frankfurt last January. I was told at the ticketing counter that they cannot allot me a seat as the flight is overbooked and it is advisable to reach the boarding gate early so as to get the boarding pass without any problems. The word “over-booked” itself tells you that there are too many people to travel on the same flight. Yet, to my what-the-hell-is-this surprise, when I boarded the flight, the next seat was empty.

I don’t know what the reason is; as there can’t be any. It is just a weird thing which keeps on happening to me each time I fly. I will definitely publish at “counter-post” once I meet with an exception to this.

The missing 'I'

I got my boarding pass for my connecting flight from Frankfurt to Mexico at Chennai itself. I had a look and both the boarding passes in my hand, just to see where I'm gonna sit, cauz I had requested for an aisle seat. For the first flight the seat was 51D & for the second one it was 49K. Given that there are a total of 10 seats in a row in the economy class of a Lufthansa Boing (some model) plane, I got that for the first flight the seat is actually an aisle seat. A, B, C & then D ... ok its an aisle seat. Now I started counting for the second flight. A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I & then J. That sums up to 10. But the seat allotted to me as 49K. How is this possible? I counted the sequence again in my head, at least 3 more times, just to be sure. But each time, to my surprise, it ended at J.

I thought of going back to the counter and asking the guy if there was some mistake. But then I thought maybe this is the row at the end or something where they do actually have an "K" labeled seat. I got into my first flight and thought of searching for 49K before finding out my actual seat. As I boarded the plane and reached the economy class, I realized that they don't actually have an "I" seat. The sequence is - A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,J & then K. The "I" was missing. I had been traveling by the same airline, by the same plane, for the past 8 times. I was amazed that how come I never noticed this before.

Did anyone of you know about this missing "I"? Is it only in Lufthansa or they ate it up in other airlines too?

Innovative cooking

I went out with some friends in the morning and returned pretty much at lunch time. Tired from the whole roaming around and my stomach screaming for some food, I really wasn't in a mood to do some time consuming cooking. Being a Good Friday, the shops were closed for the holiday and I couldn't order something from the nearby Subway too. So all I had was hardly 10 minutes to figure out what edible can I make out of the things I have in the fridge. Given the limited resources which would qualify for a quick meal, I made up this - Steaming corn with scrambled eggs.

Recipe (Serves 2, if I'm not one of them)
Eggs - 2
American corn kernels - 200gms
Green chilies - 2
Lemon - 1
Black pepper powder
Butter - 1 spoon
Onions - 1

Boil the corn kernels and mix the butter & lemon juice in it. Fry the chopped onions and chopped chilies in a separate frying pan. When the onions are brown, break the eggs and pour them into the pan to make a mess. Once the scrambled eggs are ready, add the pre-prepared (sounds inappropriate, but who cares) corn to the pan. Cook for 10 minutes. Add some ketchup and salt to taste. Serve steaming hot along with some orange juice & pickle.

So, I did all this and had a heart warming meal. It came out really delicious I tell you. Hunger does lead to innovation.

P.S - By the time I took this photo, it went cold, so I had to heat it up again in the microwave :)

The horror show

Just imagine :-

Its 4 in the morning & you are deep in sleep. The whole house is covered under a sheet of darkness with a small zero watt night bulb spreading some faint green light in the other room.Suddenly one of your room-mates who is sleeping in the same room next to you starts screaming like hell. You have absolutely no idea what’s happening when you see him screaming and running around in the room. You are terrified as if you are in a bad dream when you hear your other room-mate screaming too. A second later you find yourself trying to shout as loud as possible & ask them that what the hell is happening. A moment later the light in the room is switched on and all the three faces in the room are white as a ghost. You try to figure out whats happening when the guy who started screaming first tells you that something is there in the room, most probably a snake, which just went over his right hand and crossed the bed towards the side on which you were sleeping. You don’t know what to say as you are horrified, but still you try to lighten the atmosphere by giggling a bit and furiously checking if really something is there under any of the pillows or mattresses. After 2 minutes of stumbling things here and there it’s finally clear that nothing is there in the room. No one knows what to say as the sudden shock is still getting absorbed.

This was the early morning horror show which happened just two and a half hours back right here in my house. Once the nerves were settled, we decided to switch off the lights again and sleep. Everyone behaved as if it was just a small nightmare and nothing happened. Seeing them lying down quietly on their beds, I thought its only me who is feeling so terrified – still. Finally when I could no longer stand the darkness and the terrible feeling of horror killing me from inside, I announced that now its not possible for me to sleep and I am switching on the lights and going to sit in the other room. It was as if we were just waiting for one among three of us to say that. The next minute we found ourselves sitting in front of the computer and trying to calm ourselves by watching a movie (Jab we met).

I could still feel the chill running down my spine. I was just not able to rise above what has just happened. Suddenly weird things started crossing my mind – how will I sleep in the darkness from tomorrow onwards? – How the hell will I manage alone in the hotel room in Mexico where I would be going in a week from now? – what if really something is there in the house which would suddenly show up once we switch off the lights again? In another half an hour the other two couldn’t bear their heavy heads anymore and retired to the bed with me sitting alone in the other room watching that movie. It was around five in the morning and it was still dark outside. I was waiting for the light to break. I was feeling something very freaky inside me. I just couldn’t stop being afraid – afraid of what I really didn’t know. I decided to pen it down just to extinguish my anxiety and I opened up an empty word document and started writing. As I wrote the first few lines which you can read above, I was practically reliving the entire episode.Once again the fear made its entry and I knew I couldn’t do it anymore. I minimized the word window and started watching the movie again. Every 5 minutes I was trying to find a hint of light outside the partially covered window at the back of my room. Finally at 6:20 AM the movie got finished and it was bright outside. I opened the window, opened the front door and decided to finish what I had started.

Its fully bright outside now & both my friends are peacefully sleeping in the other room. But somehow I am not able to get over with it. Just thinking about what happened I can virtually hear that horrific screaming inside my head right now. Goddddd – I do have a weak heart.

Early morning battle

Myself: Dude, the alarm is ringing
Me: What alarm?

Myself: Dude, the alarm is ringing, get up.
Me: Its not even 4 AM, how can the alarm ring at this time?

Myself: Boss, it is past 6AM, get up now, the alarm is ringing.
Me: Duck the alarm. I am so tired. No way I'm gonna get up.

Myself: This alarm sound is deafening right in the morning. How can you still sleep?
Me: Ok, I snoozed the alarm, happy?

(After 2 minutes)
Myself: Sir, the alarm is ringing again.
Me: WTH, can't you talk about anything but the ducking alarm? (Snoozed again)

(After another 2 minutes)
Myself: Alarm ringing !!!
Me: Oh comeon !! (The alarm not snoozed, but "switched off")

Myself: By any chance you remember that you weigh 83 kgs?
Me: What? What are you talking ...?

Myself: By any chance you remember that you have to loose 8 kgs?
Me: Aaaan? mmmmm ...

Myself: You remember how pathetic you look in that tight fit t-shirt?
Me: I look fine ... go away ... let me sleep ... !@$!@$!

Myself: You remember your waist size is a little below 35?
Me: OK !!! Fine .. fine. Don;t give me these depressing thoughts right in the morning.

Finally after a long battle of 15 minutes, I get up ... get dressed and move my lazy a$$ towards the gym.

Marriage ke side effects

Why does marriage suddenly becomes such a big necessity once you are 25+?

Have you ever heard any superhero getting married? Superman is unmarried, so is Spiderman & Batman. Even the Indian superhero Shaktiman is unmarried. This is because, if they get married, they no longer will be superheroes. Imagine, Spiderman going to save the world suddenly gets a call on his mobile, “Darling, what shall I cook today? Will Dhall and bhindi be good? Please bring some potatoes on the way back home. When are you taking me to McDonalds?” Wives will make life hell for them. “Why do you wear your underwear outside the pants? Wear them inside” Common … if a superhero wears his underwear inside, he no longer is a superhero!!!

So try to comprehend the moral of the story and discover the secret of being a superhero.

(Courtesy – Pyaar ke side effects)

Pathetic

Pathetic day is a day when nothing goes right, or rather when you want everything to go wrong. You start your day with a pathetic thought, which takes your mind to pathetic levels and you know you are going to be pathetic for the whole day. Your work in office feels pathetic, your colleagues seem to be behaving pathetically, friends seem to be asking pathetic questions, food tastes pathetic and you wish you were pathetically dead. You don’t feel like doing any pathetic usual stuff, don’t feel like being in the same pathetic office and you feel pathetically suffocated. Then continuing the 'patheticity' (remember the word), you go to the pathetic hotel and fall deep into your pathetic slumbers.

Finally, when you wake up, you realize how pathetic the day had been and you curse yourself for being so pathetic. Then you simply sit and write this pathetic blog and wait for another pathetic day to start.

Petrosh ??? What the Hell !!!

People have always had problems in pronouncing my name for the first time, not only pronouncing, but also writing and reading. But it’s always the first few times. In two or maximum three attempts they manage to get it right. When I landed in Mexico a month back, I faced the same problem. I had to complete a lot of formalities in the new office and for that I had to fill up many forms. The written part was comparatively easier, at least people can take their time to read my name and then pronounce the way they like. But when it comes to telling them verbally, it is really was a problem.

It started when my manager asked my name. I replied “Pratosh”. He asked back, “What? Petrosh?”. I patiently replied again, “No Jorge, its ‘Pratosh’”. He fired back,”Yeah, that’s what I am saying, ‘Petrosh’”. I understood it’s no use convincing him. So I gave him a frustrated smile and just laughed away the matter. But I never knew that that will be the way people will start calling me from that day onwards. Most surprisingly, all Mexican people who meet me, pronounce my name in exactly the same way. Also, each of them has the same question after hearing my name. “Petrosh is a Russian name right” And each time I think that there is no use telling them that its not “Petrosh” and also its not a Russian name.

I always had a feeling that people find it difficult pronouncing my name, but Mexico has given an entirely new dimension to that thought. I am afraid that by the time I leave this place, my ears would have been so much used to “Petrosh” that “Pratosh” will sound like some stupid “Russian” name.

Friday evening FUN

Friday evening is a time to relax. Somehow we get into a joyous mood and suddenly all the tiredness of the whole week is gone and we start planning for things to be done during the weekend. We usually think that we’ll utilize the Friday evening to the fullest. We’ll watch movies or hang out somewhere or maybe just chill out with our friends at night.

Here in Mexico I think the people have comprehended this thing very well and are using it to promote their business better than anyone else anywhere in the world. It was the same happy Friday evening when I started for my hotel from the Volkswagen facility in Puebla, Mexico. I had just come out of the main gate when I saw around three to four girls standing in the open area in the front of the office. They were holding some papers in their hands and were giving out some cards to the people passing by. I had no idea what it was but was really surprised that such beautiful girls were given a work like this. When I crossed one of them, she handed over two cards to me and said something in Spanish which I couldn’t understand. But her way of dressing and all the makeup she had put on, really amazed me. Her dressing was impeccable and she was looking damn sexy. I took the card and walked away after giving a smile, the smile conveying that I didn’t understand a word of what she just said. Just have a look at how the card looked.

I was so amazed that how these things can happen right in the open. Maybe this was the first time that I was exposed to such stuff or maybe I was overreacting. But I really appreciate the mid behind this idea. People are usually in a mood to enjoy and relax when they are coming out from the office, especially on a Friday evening and that guy has taken this fact to such an advantage of his. I’m sure that if not all, then 4 out of 10 people would fall for this, because most of them are living in hotels and are working away from home. My friends who are doing their management degrees can use this instance as a case study for their business discussions.

Gone With The Wind

May18th 2007 – the day when we decided to have a trip to Pondicherry. I always had a hidden sense of adventure in my heart which was pushing me for long now, to have a long trip on a bike. So I thought this would be the perfect occasion to quench the thirst. We planned the trip and started for Pondy on 19^th afternoon. We were a total of 7 people, 5 in a car and two on the bike. I was traveling on the bike along with my dear friend Amir. We decided that half the journey Amir would be driving and the other half, I’d be speeding through. Soon we found ourselves speeding away on the ECR (East Coast Road), which connects Pondy and Chennai. The road is a gem of an engineering work. Being as smooth & inviting as Aishwarya’s cheeks, no matter how cautious a driver you are, it sucks you in its sense of adventure and literally forces you to go full throttle.

I’ve been driving bikes & scooters for the past 7 years now, but never in my life I dared to go beyond 80. When I started driving on the busy roads of Delhi after my 12^th exams, my Dad once told me “Son, it’ll never be on busy roads that you’ll meet with an accident. Open & free runways are what lure into danger”. It was not that I always pay heed to all his words, it was only because of the restrictions posed by the mechanical state of the 1990 Suzuki bike that I never speeded beyond 80.

So as it was destined, me and Amir were piercing through the ECR at a speed of 98+ km/h with Amir at the driver’s seat. The wind was hitting hard on our faces and I was taking photographs from his N73. It was hardly an hour and a half when we were half way through and decided to take a pit stop to ease our burning asses. Now it was my turn to drive. I go onto the bike and in a matter of seconds the speedometer was reading “100”. We were cruising towards Pondy, overtaking buses, sumos, cars and other petty looking two wheelers. It was a feeling of abnormal excitement, and an unjustified sense of pride (pride of driving at 100+). It was after almost an hour when that fateful turn came. It was a steep one and somehow ignoring the basics of safe driving, I maneuvered the turn at top speed. The combination of high speed and laterally hitting wind took its toll and the bike was immediately swept off the road. We crashed and skidded at 100 kmph with my body bearing the brunt of the crash. Before I could realize what exactly had happened I felt some pain in my hand and heaviness in my head. Next I heard Amir asking me “Pratosh, r u fine?” I stood up, saw Amir and the bike lying helplessly on the ground and tried to figure out what had happened. But my dizziness didn’t allow me to stand for long and the next moment I was lying down unconscious.

The next thing I remember was a shouting Amir trying to bring me back into my senses. I got up, drank some water brought by a kind stranger and saw my profusely bleeding hand. At that very moment remembered my father’s words, “Open and free runways are what lure you into danger”. I was literally able to see through my flesh and describe precisely how the bone looked. In Amir’s words “D00d, I think you have lost some flesh”. Immediately Amir took out his N73 and made a video, interviewing me about the experience of my first accident. I was subsequently taken to a hospital in Pondy where I had a minor surgery on my right elbow. I recovered from my injuries after 3 days of hospitalization in Chennai and took a week’s off from office.

Now that my wounds have fully healed and I am planning another bike trip to Pondy, I look back at the accident and remember the lessons I have learnt the hard way. As I have repeated many times in front of my friends, it was an “overreaction to excitement”. As a passer by would have thought while seeing us tumbling on the road, we were literally “Gone with the wind”.