Things have changed quite a lot in the past 2 years. I can see my life completely in contrast with what it used to be before. I have started feeling the pressure now. Pressure of being something in life, pressure of expectations of everyone, pressure to get married, pressure of working towards a happy future, pressure of initiating my savings plan and the list never ends. Why is 25 such an uncertain age? Why have I suddenly started feeling so uneasy about everything? These thoughts were there before too, these pressures are not at all new, and then why suddenly have I started feeling so insecure and vulnerable?
I am afraid of commitment, I’m afraid of the change marriage will bring into my life, I’m afraid of the idea that a thought of one more soul will get attached to all the decisions I’ll be making, I’m afraid of loosing my freedom, I’m afraid of putting my self into an endless cycle of giving explanations for all my actions, of justifying each and every decision of mine. I don’t think I’m ready for these things. I think I still need to achieve a lot before getting buried under all these responsibilities.
I blame God for all this. Why did he make me grow old so quickly? It was only yesterday when I was so happy with my friends in school and in the neighborhood, when I didn’t even care about these things. I don’t want to grow old any further. 25 is hell lot of years I have added into my life. I don’t want more.
2 Human response(s):
Nice post.
Read this
http://sunshine0faspotlessmind.blogspot.com/2007/02/joke-of-last-2-millenniums.html
Dont forget to read the comments.
You seem to feel that 25 is such an uncertain age... Do you think its the sme for everyone? Or do you think it is the only age of uncertainty? Feeling vulnerable for pressures which were always existing...well, that does sound strange....unless you considered these pressures as 'distant responsibilities, not to be bothered about now' so far, and suddenly realized that the distant future is at your doorstep now. If you've been carefree and secure till now, isn't it about time you started making someone else feel that way?
Commitment is not something to be feared. Especially, it is not synonimous with marriage. You have a commitment towards your parents. You have been committed towards your studies and later your job. You keep your commitment towards your friends. Eventually you will bring someone into your life and form a commitment towards her. What is there to be afraid of from the person whom you select to share your life with? So far, all the decisions you have made have affected the people close to you. The efforts you decided to put into your studies, your choice of your college and course, your choice of career and location...all these have had an effect on your life and everyone involved in your life. Why then do you fear the decisions in your future, when you already have so much experience making decisions?
I agree that you need someone to blame. God is ideal. He is ever ready t receive the blames and criticisms of his creations. However, when you blame Him, blame Him for the correct reasons. Blame him not for making you grow old quickly, but for keeping you a child at heart for too long. Blame him not for the responsibilities you have today, but for the carefree times you had in your yesteryears. And if you feel the same as you do now in the years to come, blame him not for making you old, but for not keeping you young at heart.... For the young at heart believe themselves to be invincible, capable of huge feats.. and thats the way you would be, if it were not for the God above.
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