The joy of being 'me'

25kms and roughly 6 hours – that’s the stats of how much I walked today. Usually I keep my Sundays to sleep and to watch movies. But today I thought of breaking the old schedule. I decided to go and out and find some nice shots for my photo albums. I started from the hotel at 12:30 in the afternoon without deciding upon the destination. I just started walking on a known path, the way to Walmart, where I go each weekend. I walked and walked and then I walked some more. Finally I stopped at a local mall, when I couldn’t stand my hunger. I had a pizza, drank a cold cappuccino, had a look around for some camera prices and then decided to walk back again. It was roughly 3hr-a-side trip, a tiring but a very special one.

Today I remembered many things, which perhaps I forgot in this fast pace of life. I remembered walking with my shadow again, as I used to do when I was a kid. To watch it change its shape & size as the day passes by and to try running and leaving it behind. Check out my image blog to see a photo I clicked with my shadow today.
I realized how much fun it is to talk to yourself and discuss all those doubts you are having for almost forever and to find out, quite amazingly, that all the answers to those doubts are actually with you only. You just need to ask yourself.
I realized how I completely forgot the joy of walking on narrow elevated part of the footpath without falling down, with my hands spread in the air. How I forgot the touch of cool evening wind hitting against my face and the beautiful yellow touch that the setting sun gives to the sky above.

I was a child today, the way I used to be when my mother used to pick me up from the school and take me back to home. I was eating, singing, shaking to the beats of lovely ‘Lucky Ali’ songs, climbing on road-side railings, shooing away the birds perched on the ground, jumping and trying to touch the high branches of trees – all while walking the whole day out. I didn’t care if anyone is watching; I was just completely lost in the rediscovered joy. I almost walked through the small city of Puebla, without a tinge of tiredness.

Maybe I should take out some time for myself a bit more often; maybe all of us should try and do that. Believe me, its fun.

Quesadilla

From this post onwards, I am planning to write one post each for some of my favorite Mexican dishes. These dishes may be known to most of the people and maybe unknown to many. You may know a different form or the version of the same thing. What I am trying to present here, is the form of the dish in which I tasted it on the streets of Mexico. For any city, as far as I have experienced, street food gives you the authentic taste and flavor, be it the mutta-parota of road side vendor in T Ngr, Chennai or the delicious pav bhaji of the road side stall in Model Town, Delhi or my present favorite Mexican delicacies of the roadside stall outside Puerta Tres, Puebla, Mexico.

To start with, I will take up one of my personal favorites in Mexican cuisine, “Quesadilla”. This dish is basically made out of Corn tortillas (tortillas are Mexican equivalents of Indian Chappati/Roti, only a little thicker), Queso Chihuahua (a special kind of cheese which melts into soft cream like substance when heated), mushrooms, green chilies, red & green salsas (sauces).

The tortilla is first baked and cooked properly from both sides, without any oil. This is a plain Chappati/Roti like preparation with a bit of salt added for flavor. Once cooked, the filling is spread over the tortilla, which in my case, being a vegetarian, used to be chilies, cut mushrooms and pumpkin flowers. The cheese is then torn into shreds and spread over the rest of the filling to form a layer. The tortilla is then folded and left for some 5-7 minutes so that the cheese gets melted and sticks the two oppsite folded sides of the tortillas and keeping the filling inside the quesadilla. Once fully cooked, it is opened again to put the salsas inside. Depending on your choice you can have any salsa added to your quesadilla.

When served hot, it just melts into your mouth, leaving behind the splendid combined flavor of cheese & mushrooms. For me, it is the best thing you can get for around 13 Mexican pesos, which will leave your stomach full and your taste buds quenched. But for eating quesadilla, I have a rule. I eat it only if I have attended my gym workout the previous evening. This is because it is high in calories and excessive eating may leave you worrying about your bulging tummy :)

So this was my version of the Mexican Quesadilla. There are many other varieties and variations depending on the fillings and on the way it is cooked. You can find more about quesadillas here.

Of India & Indians

There is so much pride we Indians associate with our country. But you will be surprised to know the outlook of people who see the country from outside it’s borders. These people don’t belong to the uneducated or ignorant lot, but are those who hold masters degrees in finance, who are heading the entire finance departments of big firms, who listen to news daily and are well aware of the world-affairs. Just have a look at some comments I came across on my beloved country & some questions I had to answer, that too patiently.

• Are women allowed to touch anyone else other than their husband, father & brothers?
• You have only one brother?? I have heard that each family has 8-9 children in India.
• India is land of 1100 million people, who share water, bedroom & bathroom. But apart from this over-crowding, it is a nice place.
• The govt spends most of the money protecting cows, then some on protecting other animals and whatever is left, on humans.
• People have to often leave the country for better development (note the word) and to feed their many children.
• India has the largest film production in the world, because the government spends most of its funds on Bollywood instead of feeding it’s people.
• Indian people eat only twice a day, have unsafe s*x and beat their wives daily.

Of Paneer-Tikka, Idlys & Tacos

I really wonder how we can be nostalgic about different things in different situations. Just for example, take the case of the author of this blog.
Around 4 months back, when he was living in Chennai, away from his native state Delhi, he used to miss “authentic” north Indian food like hell. Its not the case that South India doesn’t offer you decent north Indian food, but as you cannot enjoy the real taste of “nariyal chutney & Idly” in a south Indian restaurant in Delhi, the same way the “shahi paneer” wont taste the ‘delicious’ same in a dhaba in Chennai. Anyways, coming back to the point, he always used to crave for good north-Indian-trade-mark-paneer curries and used to wait for the time he would go back to Delhi and savor the food he is missing for long. Every six months or so, he used to satisfy his taste buds during his trips back to north India.

As the fate had in store for him, he was further thrown away to Mexico. He used to tell me how good the Mexican food is and how happily he is enjoying the spicy Mexican delicacies. I heard from him that there’s nothing in this world which tastes better than Tacos & absolutely nothing which can match a hot quesadilla. But it was not long before he started feeling nostalgic again. In a recent conversation I had with him, he admitted that now he is missing the food back in “India” (North or South not applicable) more than ever before. Doesn’t matter whether is Paneer Tikka or Sambhar wada, whether it is Gobhi naan or Onion Utthapam, he just wants some Indian food to eat.

Being a witness for long, to his changing preferences and nostalgias, he makes me think again and again, about the changing preferences of human psyche. I wonder if this is the case only with a weird psycho like him or others too experience the same phenomenon.

Rules

After a long deep thinking session of around 5 minutes, I think I have discovered the following ‘tested & working” ways to keep yourself happy:-

• Live in the present. Don’t give a duck about the past or the future. What has happened you cant change and what is going to happen you cant change much of that too (though many self-help-book-reading maniacs will differ on this), so to live the present moment to the fullest & you will never be sad for another second.
• Time to time reflect back on your life and remember all those times when you were really happy. When something really good happened to you or when you got rewarded for something good. Suddenly, you will feel a rush of happiness gushing thru your viens.
• Always take out time to do things you love to do. Be it dancing like animals, eating out at your fav place, watching movies or any wild thing on earth. Never hesitate for following your passions.
• Always laugh out loud, from deep within your heart. Be with people who make you do that. We don’t realize, but without laughing, our life stinks like a room which hasn’t been exposed to sunlight for months. If you cant have the company of such people, then be one.
• Stop having expectations from people. The more you expect from someone, the more you will get hurt. If you don’t expect anything, every thing done by everyone else will be a pleasant surprise. Even if they don’t do something, you will never realize, cauz u didn’t expect anything.
• Finally, remember that every passing second reduces your life span by a fraction. Every passing day is one unit less from the total allocated to you. Then why the duck u need to spend it worrying, crying, thinking and being sad. Nothing is worthy enough to make you waste your time worrying on.

What is gone, was never yours. What is yours, you will get anyways. So what is there to think about. Give the best to the present moment and you will always get fabulous returns from life.

(Someone please come and make me believe and follow all this :) )

Being a D00d

Thinking deeply and observing a bit more closely than we normally do, all of us will realize that we are essentialy, “Alone”. By alone I don’t mean that we don’t have anyone around us to talk, or to share things. What I mean is no matter how close you consider a person to be, at some point or the other he/she will make you feel that you are all by yourself. That may happen unintentionally too, but it happens for sure. In the end, its your inner self only which we will be there to console you when you are all broken and down. And the person, due to which you are having those feelings inside, will be completely ignorant about all this & sometimes will be deliberately ignorant too. You may get frustrated and you will try your best not to think about him, but more u try to throw those things out, more they will return and hit you harder.

Ant its not that you always are on the receiving end. Sometimes you exchange positions and make others feel exactly the same. Hence, this applies to one and all. When some people say that they live in present and don’t care about what happened yesterday and don’t worry about what is going to happen tomorrow, their attitude seems to be a bit unnerving to me. But frankly speaking, they are the happiest people in the world. That’s actually the way to live, to be happy. I cannot idealize someone with that behavior, but a close friend of mine, D00d, is the nearest match. I hope I could change myself to be like that. But due to some close people, whom I love way too much and to whom I have attached myself so strongly (maybe the reverse is not true), I am not able to do the desired. After all, not all of us are’D00ds’ and not all of us are made the same way.

Mein akela nahin hoon

Dil aise na samajhna ki tu hai akela mushkil mod sahi
Hum rahe they kabhi na kabhi yahan par thodi der aur sahi

Is pal aaye hain, phir kab jaayenge
Kehne sunne aaye they, samajhke jaayenge
Mera na koi hai patha is jagah par
Yun to hai mera yeh jahan
Ambar bhi thehra hai abhi kehkashaan par
Faila hai dekho yahan wahan
Milke barasta yeh chala hai jahan par
Kisi ki marzi hai ho tum aur hum bhi yahan

Jab nahin tha jahan tab se hi koi yahan to
Dil kyon na mil ke rahen
Waqt rahen na sadaa, yun guzar jaayegaa

Dil ek saaye mein mil, reh jaayengi chahe do baatein
Jab chala jaayega, tu chala jaayega

Sunne wale ne, kehne wale ko
Woh baaten sunayi samajhne waalon ko
Taaren bhi kaise timtimathe raaton mein
Koi na tanha hai wahan
Chale hi jaathe hai yeh dil ko lubhaake
Unhi ke jaate hi aaye savera yahan

Dil aise na samajhna ki tu hai akela
Mushkil mod kahin

-Lucky Ali

Tagged

• I am too shy to meet strangers. I avoid it to the maximum extent and agree only when it becomes totally necessary. Though later I always regret doing that since it was not that difficult a thing after all.
• I am very conscious about the way my hair’s lookin. Though I don’t have enough to groom, but still it is always a point of utmost consideration for me.
• I am scared to hell when it comes to air travel. Though it has been numerous flights now, each time I prepare for a flight, I always consider it as my last one.
• I can’t sleep in total darkness. Darkness makes me feel uneasy and till this age, I need my room-mate to accompany me at 1’o clock at night, when I have to park my bike inside the apartment.
• I am horribly afraid of insects, specially lizards, cockroaches and spiders. While bathin I always have a feeling that a BIG spider will scroll down the shower and jump directly onto my neck.

For people who have no idea why the hell I have written this crap, here is what ‘tagged’ means. In the world of bloggers, when someone ‘tags’ you, you have to write five arbit things about yourself which other people don’t know. These things can be anything, as long as they r unknown to most of the people.

I was tagged by one of my fellow bloggers (Hema) and hence I ended up composing this post

Marriage ke side effects

Why does marriage suddenly becomes such a big necessity once you are 25+?

Have you ever heard any superhero getting married? Superman is unmarried, so is Spiderman & Batman. Even the Indian superhero Shaktiman is unmarried. This is because, if they get married, they no longer will be superheroes. Imagine, Spiderman going to save the world suddenly gets a call on his mobile, “Darling, what shall I cook today? Will Dhall and bhindi be good? Please bring some potatoes on the way back home. When are you taking me to McDonalds?” Wives will make life hell for them. “Why do you wear your underwear outside the pants? Wear them inside” Common … if a superhero wears his underwear inside, he no longer is a superhero!!!

So try to comprehend the moral of the story and discover the secret of being a superhero.

(Courtesy – Pyaar ke side effects)

Awakening of the DeViL

What happens when you suddenly start getting tempted towards all those things which you have abhorred for long? Suddenly you file like listening to the ‘wrong’ you, knowing very well that it is certainly the darker side of you inner self. All your long cherished principles seem to look like unnecessary shackles and you crave to break away free from all of them. You stand in a state of dilemma and cant decide on anything.

This is the awakening of the inner devil, which tempts you to submit yourself to prohibition. Your will weakens and you start bending in front of the dark lord. This is the time when the Satan takes over and you are no longer your normal self. You cant explain your actions and constantly you act contrary to your normal behavior. Each day the same voice echoes in your empty head “Welcome to HELL”

Golden words

"No one is thinking wrong abt u expect u!!!!"

Some golden words one of my friends told me. I find so much truth in them that its now hard to believe why it didnt dawn upon me before ... The post below this, now feels like absolute crap. I am thankful to that person to make me realize this.

Unnecessary trouble

People say I think too much & I too sometimes realize the same. But is it wrong to be concerned for people, for their feelings? Is it wrong to expect everyone to be happy with you? Maybe, it is. You can’t keep everyone happy all the time. You are a big fool if you expect that to happen. But what if people unnecessarily have a prejudice about you? For me, its difficult to digest that someone hates me, even if I don’t have anything to do with that person. I know these habits of mine often lead me to unwanted mental troubles, but still, old habits die hard. I just want to be good, good to everyone. That’s all I want to do. But now I realize that its actually a wrong thing to do.

Pathetic

Pathetic day is a day when nothing goes right, or rather when you want everything to go wrong. You start your day with a pathetic thought, which takes your mind to pathetic levels and you know you are going to be pathetic for the whole day. Your work in office feels pathetic, your colleagues seem to be behaving pathetically, friends seem to be asking pathetic questions, food tastes pathetic and you wish you were pathetically dead. You don’t feel like doing any pathetic usual stuff, don’t feel like being in the same pathetic office and you feel pathetically suffocated. Then continuing the 'patheticity' (remember the word), you go to the pathetic hotel and fall deep into your pathetic slumbers.

Finally, when you wake up, you realize how pathetic the day had been and you curse yourself for being so pathetic. Then you simply sit and write this pathetic blog and wait for another pathetic day to start.

Death is real

Death!!! You don’t know how real it can be until you see it. You always keep on hearing the crap ... "Death is a reality", "No once can escape death" and all other shit. But these words don’t sink in until ‘it’ crosses your face, until someone you love; dies, until you come to know that someone whom you knew, someone close to you or someone a part of your loved one’s life is gone. People die, and leave behind a void, which can never ever be filled. His near and dear ones will feel his absence forever. He leaves behind the sorrow, the emptiness, the memories, the grief and the never ending ifs and buts. People console, shed a few tears & eventually forget. Life waits for none. But the burden of death, of someone’s absence, someone’s memories is carried lifelong by some unfortunate few.

God does everything for a reason … to hell with the reason; to hell with God and to hell with all the prayers and wishes. What the fuck does God get by creating such painful and pathetic conditions? What good does he do to the family whose support he has taken away? What good has he done to the people who will bear the never ending pain? Nothing, nothing at all. This is not atheism, as some so called believers will preach. This is reality. God is nothing but a hypothetical support for the weak human mind. A means to console our weeping hearts, to support our weak souls, to find a respite for all the problems which daunt us forever. How can someone who is supposed to be a savior bring so much pain on his own children? People will justify with comments like, “God judges you through such situations”, “Everyone who has come, has to go”, and all other never ending crap. But reality is understood by those who see it, who bear the brunt, who feel it and see it on their face. They know what has happened, what has gone, what will never be the same again, no matter how much time passes away, no matter how many new layers of memories cover up the wound. The feeling will remain fresh forever. The feeling of absence. Absence of someone we loved, we loved so much that we never thought that he might be gone some day, without even giving a hint to anyone. Who will suddenly vanish in thin air, leaving us totally helpless. We had to talk to him one more time, we had to say things we always thought we will say some other day; we had to tell him that we love him so much that once he is gone, we will feel so frustratingly pathetic that we couldn’t stop ourselves from shedding a tear each time we think of him.

Live for today, live for NOW. There is no tomorrow. Whatever needs to be done, needs to be now. We never know when he will pull the string. So get up now and tell all your loved ones how much you really care, maybe tomorrow it will be too late.

Parting is painful

Parting for all of us is most of the times, 'painful'. But has any of you felt a little bit of pain when someone whom you really didn't like or someone with whom you really didn't click, left you and went away? When he/she was with you, you really didnt care about his/her presence. But his absence is bothering you. Maybe only momentarily, but it is.
Same thing happened to me today. I felt that pain, a little trickle of emotion in my heart, a faint sense of sorrow. We spent around 2 months together, most of the times arguing on our different perceptions for things, our conflicting choices and on hundred other issues. I didn't 'liked' him as such and many of his habits pestered me to frustration. But inspite of all this i never developed any sense of hatred.
Today he left & maybe I wont be meeting him again, ever. Cauz, maybe both of us wont take the pain to contact each other when we are in the same city. But his departure made my heart heavy. For a moment i wished that he wont go or that he may come back soon. But i knew, that wont happen. I am repeatedly reminded of him since morning & that feels very weird.
Maybe we dont realize that we will miss someone, untill they are gone.

Petrosh ??? What the Hell !!!

People have always had problems in pronouncing my name for the first time, not only pronouncing, but also writing and reading. But it’s always the first few times. In two or maximum three attempts they manage to get it right. When I landed in Mexico a month back, I faced the same problem. I had to complete a lot of formalities in the new office and for that I had to fill up many forms. The written part was comparatively easier, at least people can take their time to read my name and then pronounce the way they like. But when it comes to telling them verbally, it is really was a problem.

It started when my manager asked my name. I replied “Pratosh”. He asked back, “What? Petrosh?”. I patiently replied again, “No Jorge, its ‘Pratosh’”. He fired back,”Yeah, that’s what I am saying, ‘Petrosh’”. I understood it’s no use convincing him. So I gave him a frustrated smile and just laughed away the matter. But I never knew that that will be the way people will start calling me from that day onwards. Most surprisingly, all Mexican people who meet me, pronounce my name in exactly the same way. Also, each of them has the same question after hearing my name. “Petrosh is a Russian name right” And each time I think that there is no use telling them that its not “Petrosh” and also its not a Russian name.

I always had a feeling that people find it difficult pronouncing my name, but Mexico has given an entirely new dimension to that thought. I am afraid that by the time I leave this place, my ears would have been so much used to “Petrosh” that “Pratosh” will sound like some stupid “Russian” name.

Friday evening FUN

Friday evening is a time to relax. Somehow we get into a joyous mood and suddenly all the tiredness of the whole week is gone and we start planning for things to be done during the weekend. We usually think that we’ll utilize the Friday evening to the fullest. We’ll watch movies or hang out somewhere or maybe just chill out with our friends at night.

Here in Mexico I think the people have comprehended this thing very well and are using it to promote their business better than anyone else anywhere in the world. It was the same happy Friday evening when I started for my hotel from the Volkswagen facility in Puebla, Mexico. I had just come out of the main gate when I saw around three to four girls standing in the open area in the front of the office. They were holding some papers in their hands and were giving out some cards to the people passing by. I had no idea what it was but was really surprised that such beautiful girls were given a work like this. When I crossed one of them, she handed over two cards to me and said something in Spanish which I couldn’t understand. But her way of dressing and all the makeup she had put on, really amazed me. Her dressing was impeccable and she was looking damn sexy. I took the card and walked away after giving a smile, the smile conveying that I didn’t understand a word of what she just said. Just have a look at how the card looked.

I was so amazed that how these things can happen right in the open. Maybe this was the first time that I was exposed to such stuff or maybe I was overreacting. But I really appreciate the mid behind this idea. People are usually in a mood to enjoy and relax when they are coming out from the office, especially on a Friday evening and that guy has taken this fact to such an advantage of his. I’m sure that if not all, then 4 out of 10 people would fall for this, because most of them are living in hotels and are working away from home. My friends who are doing their management degrees can use this instance as a case study for their business discussions.

Gone With The Wind

May18th 2007 – the day when we decided to have a trip to Pondicherry. I always had a hidden sense of adventure in my heart which was pushing me for long now, to have a long trip on a bike. So I thought this would be the perfect occasion to quench the thirst. We planned the trip and started for Pondy on 19^th afternoon. We were a total of 7 people, 5 in a car and two on the bike. I was traveling on the bike along with my dear friend Amir. We decided that half the journey Amir would be driving and the other half, I’d be speeding through. Soon we found ourselves speeding away on the ECR (East Coast Road), which connects Pondy and Chennai. The road is a gem of an engineering work. Being as smooth & inviting as Aishwarya’s cheeks, no matter how cautious a driver you are, it sucks you in its sense of adventure and literally forces you to go full throttle.

I’ve been driving bikes & scooters for the past 7 years now, but never in my life I dared to go beyond 80. When I started driving on the busy roads of Delhi after my 12^th exams, my Dad once told me “Son, it’ll never be on busy roads that you’ll meet with an accident. Open & free runways are what lure into danger”. It was not that I always pay heed to all his words, it was only because of the restrictions posed by the mechanical state of the 1990 Suzuki bike that I never speeded beyond 80.

So as it was destined, me and Amir were piercing through the ECR at a speed of 98+ km/h with Amir at the driver’s seat. The wind was hitting hard on our faces and I was taking photographs from his N73. It was hardly an hour and a half when we were half way through and decided to take a pit stop to ease our burning asses. Now it was my turn to drive. I go onto the bike and in a matter of seconds the speedometer was reading “100”. We were cruising towards Pondy, overtaking buses, sumos, cars and other petty looking two wheelers. It was a feeling of abnormal excitement, and an unjustified sense of pride (pride of driving at 100+). It was after almost an hour when that fateful turn came. It was a steep one and somehow ignoring the basics of safe driving, I maneuvered the turn at top speed. The combination of high speed and laterally hitting wind took its toll and the bike was immediately swept off the road. We crashed and skidded at 100 kmph with my body bearing the brunt of the crash. Before I could realize what exactly had happened I felt some pain in my hand and heaviness in my head. Next I heard Amir asking me “Pratosh, r u fine?” I stood up, saw Amir and the bike lying helplessly on the ground and tried to figure out what had happened. But my dizziness didn’t allow me to stand for long and the next moment I was lying down unconscious.

The next thing I remember was a shouting Amir trying to bring me back into my senses. I got up, drank some water brought by a kind stranger and saw my profusely bleeding hand. At that very moment remembered my father’s words, “Open and free runways are what lure you into danger”. I was literally able to see through my flesh and describe precisely how the bone looked. In Amir’s words “D00d, I think you have lost some flesh”. Immediately Amir took out his N73 and made a video, interviewing me about the experience of my first accident. I was subsequently taken to a hospital in Pondy where I had a minor surgery on my right elbow. I recovered from my injuries after 3 days of hospitalization in Chennai and took a week’s off from office.

Now that my wounds have fully healed and I am planning another bike trip to Pondy, I look back at the accident and remember the lessons I have learnt the hard way. As I have repeated many times in front of my friends, it was an “overreaction to excitement”. As a passer by would have thought while seeing us tumbling on the road, we were literally “Gone with the wind”.

What crap !!!

It’s quite difficult to keep yourself patient and composed when you don’t know where you are going to put your next step. When darkness of uncertainty is all you can see lying ahead on your path. They say one is the creator of one’s own destiny, but many times in our lives, as most of us will certainly testify, our fate and destiny is shaped by decisions which others take and we have no other option than to quietly accept it. What are we supposed to do at that time? When all we can do is just waiting for what someone else decides for you.

I get to see contrasting shades in this fantastic fabric of human life. On one hand I can see careless or shall I say carefree souls, wandering about in their own sense of aloofness, in their self created world of joy, least bothered of what’s going to happen next. I call them the “Free souls”. On the other hand I see people completely dedicated, focused and determined to walk on a single path. Though honestly, I have rarely come across such people. Is it because I am bad at spotting them or is their number too less to be noticed? To be absolutely frank, I am equally attracted by either kind, although I don’t really know that to which class I belong.

Staying focused is really a tough ask. But that’s what bears fruits for you. There are times when you feel a sudden rush of adrenaline which pumps up your spirits and you think that nothing is unachievable for you. But it soon fades and you are back to your normal lazy self.

What crap am I writing? Am I thinking too much? Or am only thinking for that matter? I hate this side of mine, the philosophical one. Amir is right in telling me – “Dude, you think too much. Enjoy life as it comes” Or maybe me inner self is right in constantly whispering to me – “Man !!! Its time for you to come out of your thoughts and really do something.”

Finally I got it

Yes! Finally I got it. I got my passport yesterday after a long torture of 6 months. I had almost lost all hopes of getting one when I last visited the passport office. All the formalities regarding my verification and the one problematic Delhi file were over and I was quite sure that I’ll get things straightened this time. As always, I got the appointment with the PRO and then was called by a lady sitting in the PRO office (I’m sure she’s not the main PRO, but only someone who’s sharing the burden). This lady seems cunning in the first glance itself. It seems as if an expression of frown is permanently etched on her face and yet she manages to wear a plastic smile every time you go to meet her. So, she called and told me to sit. She opened my file, had a careless glance and immediately reacted, “The procedure for your case is still not over!” I asked her what the problem was, for which she started turning the pages of my file. Seeing a fax attached with my file, she told, “A fax has been sent to the Delhi office and we are still waiting for the response” Fortunately, I had checked the status of the fax just before meeting her and confirmed that the Delhi file has been closed. So I told her, Madam, the Delhi passport office has already responded for that fax and the file has been closed. Now, she started hitting me with other excuses – Local address not verified – Delhi address not verified – Police report not received – etc. Finally she told me (Plz note the politeness) “We haven’t received the Police repot for your Delhi verification. Don’t come to us again and again and bother us. Go and check with the police department, this is not our headache.” I was really startled by this rude reaction and felt red-faced in front of so many people. I had a why-the-fuck-did-I-come-here look on my face. Tears waiting to roll out, I went to one of my friend’s father’s contact in the passport office and told him the incident. He told that he’ll look into my file and asked me to call the next day. By this time I had lost all hope of seeing my pic on a passport. I called my Dad with a heavy heart and told him all that happened. Suddenly I was feeling very lonely and vulnerable.

Next day I again went to the passport office and asked that uncle whether he checked my case. He informed me, to my relief that everything was fine, the Delhi report has come to the office but is not physically traceable. He said that he’ll take up my case with a different PRO and get things done in 2 days. The was he had worked till now (making me wait for 4 hrs daily and never picking up my calls) I thought that this is one more of his delay tactics. But to my amazement, within two days the status of my application had changed on the website. Now it read “Your passport is being prepared. It’ll be dispatched within 7 working days”. There was no limit to my happiness. Next day I went to the Post Office to talk to the postman, so that in case he comes to deliver the passport and I’m not at home, he would call and inform me. The guy there told that the postman will be available only after 2’o clock. I thought that I’ll take a leave and meet him tomorrow. I started my bike and started towards my home. As I reached home, I saw to postman looking human beings standing in front of the door. I asked them that my passport is about to come in a couple of days and I wont be here at home, so please in case it come … as I was saying this, he asked “What’s your name?” To my amazement he told “I have your passport right now with me” I felt like dancing on the street. He verified my identity and handed over the passport to me.

So finally the journey came to an end. I got what I was yearning for. Finally I was a proud passport holder. I realized at that time, that the happiest moments in your life come in the most unexpected way.

Also read:
My passport Ordeal
My passport Ordeal - Contd...

Excess leads to wastage

Last week my office was shifted to a new location outside the city. The duration of travel, which was previously five to ten minutes has now increased to 2 hours. Suddenly, I find myself scarce of time. But there is something very unusual which I have noticed wrt my daily routine. Previously, when I used to have hell lot of time, both at home and in office, most of time was spent either sleeping, or watch TV or if in office, hanging out in the cafeteria with other friends. But now I have to get into the cab early at 0630 in the morning and I reach office by 8. Then in the evening, I have to start from office at 1700. So during these 9 hours at office, I have to complete all my work, post some stupid blogs like this in between and do all the other official work. After reaching home at 1900, I have to spend 70 odd minutes at the gym, do the daily studies (which are not regular anyways), cook something for dinner and then sleep timely so that I can get up on time. In the midst of such a tight schedule I don’t have time to sit idle or waste it on petty things. I am utilizing my time much more effectively now. I find time to read in the newspaper (morning cab), to read some books (evening cab time), regularly going to the gym (its easier to be regular in the evenings) and a bit of studies too.
Hence from all this and many other examples from my life, I have learnt this lesson. The more we have, the more we tend to waste. When the water is plenty, we take 2 buckets to bathe, but when there is a scarcity, we can manage in half a bucket too. When we have plenty of food, we overeat or tend to waste it. But when its in shortage, we relish each and every bite. Same applies to time too. When we have plenty of it, we have time to feel bored, to be frustrated, to think about faaltu things which otherwise wont cross our mind. But when our day is packed, we tend to complete all tasks to perfection and also, we feel contended and complete at the end of the day. So all this hassle and busyness, which I got due to this shift in office location, has in a way come as a boon in disguise. I thank myself and my office for keeping me so so so busy.

Apna Sapna – Money Money

Why is money so important in life? No matter what we say, no matter how unworldly we consider our selves, no matter how detached we project ourselves from material bonding, all of us need “more” money. Till now, the extent to which money mattered in my life was that I needed it for eating out, going for movies & some occasional gifting. Everything else was taken care by my mom and dad. But now as I have got a tag of “Self proficient” pasted on my forehead, the entire headache is mine. Now I have to think about where and how much to spend. How I’ll manage my savings, where shall I invest, how to save tax and all other monetary crap. Also, most importantly I have started worrying about how much others are spending and earning. OMG, Aakash has got a bonus. Holy shit, Pradeep gets 10k as allowance every month, and the list goes on.

Is that really worth thinking? How does it matter who is earning how much? Will they give me something if they earn so much? Or will I start earning more if I keep on worrying bout their earnings? But we tend to think this way, no matter how much we denounce the thought. Money is one thing which is the source of around 75% of our daily quota of worrisome thoughts. (Remember that old saying? All the feuds in this world have two main causes – money & woman). Everyone is thinking how to earn more, save more and at the same time, to spend no less. Shall I put my money in Stocks … shall I invest it in gold … shall I put it in real estate … blah blah blah …

Its been 2 years now (Approx 21 salaries) since I’m earning, and to be absolutely honest, I haven’t invested even a single rupee anywhere. Maybe this financial wisdom has not dawning upon me yet. Waiting for the time I’ll start saving … for a better future. All this reminds me of one very funny quote “Saving policies ensure that u save your entire life, living miserly, so that eventually, you die rich”

Determination Determines

Daily we hear or read a lot of quotes which really inspire us. We like them, pin them up on the board, keep them as status on our messengers and then in a day or two, replace them with another good one. The first them gets gradually erased from our mind and finally we forget it completely. But the title of this post is a quote, to which I really gave some serious thought. “Determination Determines” – this is such a real truth. Determination and Discipline is what determines the outcome of most of our endeavors. If carefully thought, both these words are almost synonymous. They kind of co-exist. If one is there, the other will automatically come.

All this sounds so inspiring and correct, but only till its time to do some implementation. Once it comes to actions, we tend to succumb to our own temptations. Just for example, I’m trying to shed some weight for the past 4-5 years. One thing or the other always postponed my plans of joining a gym. In college it was the pressure of studies (only hypothetical) and my Dad’s refusal, which stopped me from going to that very much worshipped self proclaimed fitness temple. Now that finally I have enough money and some time too, l think its lack of determination and self discipline which is stopping me. For the past 3 months I’m religiously paying the 730 bucks but hardly attending the gym 20 days a month. Sometimes I’m too lazy to wake up in the morning, sometimes its office which creates an unavoidable situation & sometimes I end up too tired to do anything. Bit I really feel that if someone really wants to do something, no one can stop him from that. Then I’m forced to think that if I really lack determination?

Exactly like this very moment, every second day I fill up my heart with determination and decide that my life will change from tomorrow. But as they say .. Tomorrow never comes !!!!

Pressure, fear & uneasiness

Things have changed quite a lot in the past 2 years. I can see my life completely in contrast with what it used to be before. I have started feeling the pressure now. Pressure of being something in life, pressure of expectations of everyone, pressure to get married, pressure of working towards a happy future, pressure of initiating my savings plan and the list never ends. Why is 25 such an uncertain age? Why have I suddenly started feeling so uneasy about everything? These thoughts were there before too, these pressures are not at all new, and then why suddenly have I started feeling so insecure and vulnerable?

I am afraid of commitment, I’m afraid of the change marriage will bring into my life, I’m afraid of the idea that a thought of one more soul will get attached to all the decisions I’ll be making, I’m afraid of loosing my freedom, I’m afraid of putting my self into an endless cycle of giving explanations for all my actions, of justifying each and every decision of mine. I don’t think I’m ready for these things. I think I still need to achieve a lot before getting buried under all these responsibilities.

I blame God for all this. Why did he make me grow old so quickly? It was only yesterday when I was so happy with my friends in school and in the neighborhood, when I didn’t even care about these things. I don’t want to grow old any further. 25 is hell lot of years I have added into my life. I don’t want more.

My Passport Ordeal - Contd ...

My journey towards acquiring a passport hit yet another roadblock yesterday. I went to the passport office along with a reference of one of my friend's dad. The person whom i was supposed to meet told me to wait near the PRO's office till he comes there with my file, that was 1400 IST. Finally that guy turned at 1730 IST and took me to the PRO. The problem this time is the application that I filed at the Delhi office. All the formalities are over at the Chennai office, but they need this Delhi file to be closed before they can proceed with the matter here.
So i am again stuck in a deadlock. Maybe I have to travel to Delhi to get the matters sorted out. What I'm afraid of is, if i get an onsite opportunity in between then I'll miss a golden chance. Anyways things will happen only when they have to. I was a bit sad and frustrated yesterday but now I'm feeling much better. Was a bit sad and frustrated yesterday but I know being that way wont help. So back to my jolly self again, but the very thought of passport brings back a tinge of sadness in me. Lets see how much time it takes from now for me to happily put another post on my blog, titled "Finally i got it".

When I missed the chance

Last Thursday I was chatting with one of my dearest friends on net. It was nothing too prolonged or extended, rather only a simple hi-hello. He replied to some of my usual questions, (Howz the work going on? Whats new at ur end? Had ur food ?) and I did the same for some of his "usuals". Then suddenly he told me "Pratosh, please call me when you find time". He is not the sort of guy who will normally ask anyone to do that, so i thought there must be something serious he wants to discuss. I was sitting in office, a bit busy, so i told him that I'll surely call him later during the day. But among all the disturbances and distractions at office it somehow slipped off my mind that I have to call him. The day went past and I didn't call him. Next day I realized my mistake and gave him a call in the morning. I asked him what the matter was and was there something he wanted to discuss. He replied that there was nothing much important to tell, but only that he was feeling very low yesterday and wanted someone to talk, he asked me to call. This really came as a sad shock to me. My friend wanted to share his feelings with me when he was down & all i did was to forget to call him. I know that i have lost the moment. No matter what he tells now, it'd never be the same as it'd had been yesterday.
This really happens a lot with most if us. Just because we act a bit careless, just because we dont care to spare five mins to call someone, we don't find ourselves there when one of our loved ones needed us. When some of our dear friend wanted us to be there, to just lend a listening ear. In the end, we dont have anything but to repent and regret. Because we know that we have missed the moment, we have missed the chance. The chance to be there when our friend wanted us. After all, friendship is not only meant to share the happiness but the sorrows as well.

My Passport Ordeal

Having a passport is something which comes quite naturally to most of us. We either got it when we were in college or just before joining our job or in the worst case, 2 or 3 months after starting with our first job. Passport has become something as important as your degree certificate or say your DOB certificate. Most of the companies today ask for a passport before they let you in.
It's been two years for me since i joined my very first job here in Hexaware and I still dont have a passport. I know its unbelievable so don't open your mouth any wider. I applied for my passport in Delhi while leaving for Chennai in July'2005. The I joined my new job and since there were no immediate plans of any overseas journey I didnt bother how things are going on the Passport front. Then suddenly when friends and acquaintances started going onsite, it dawned upon me to enquire about my passport. I sent my file no to Delhi and came to know that the file has been closed there. So I decided to lodge a fresh application in Chennai. Here is how things have taken shape till now

Jul'05: My first passport Application filed in Delhi

Nov'06: Fresh Application filed in Chennai

Dec'06: I met the passport officer at the police station who took Rs200 and promised to do the verification and send back the file ASAP

Jan'06: I again met the passport officer who still had my file with him and refused to recognize me. I again gave him Rs300, showed all my original docs and got my verification done.

Jan'06: Status of the passport changed "Please meet the PRO on any working day between 10 and 1230 AM"

Jan'06: Met the PRO who asked one of the Chennai addresses to be verified. "Fill up the PP form and submit it. We'll refer your application again"

Feb'06: Met the passport officer yet again, who again failed to recognize me. He verified the second address and again took Rs300.

Mar'06: File sent to Delhi for the verification of the permanent address. Things were done and another Rs500 were fed to the passport Dept.

Today: The status of the passport is the same as it was 2 months back <"Please meet the PRO on any working day between 10 and 1230 AM">.

Finally I'm planning to go to the Passport office tomorrow and check for the status. You might be thinking why didn't i do that till now. The reason is, even for a simple enquiry, you have to stand for at least 1 and a half hour in the queue & that too in the scorching sun. Lets see what is the next objection they have on my file and how much time and money it'll take to resolve that. I have opportunities of Onsite travel but what I dont have is a passport.

If anyone of you can help me in any way my File Ref no is A060695 / 06

Current Status
Total Money Spent : Rs 1300

Total Time Elapsed : 5 months

Keep visiting this place for latest updates. :)

The BIG choice

A time comes in our life when we need to decide on something BIG. Where we have two options to choose from, whose degree of temptation is inversely proportional to the degree of benefit they can bring to you. And most of us just do the utterly predictable, go after the more luring one. There can be many reasons for us to act this way. Firstly, we might be naive enough not to see the real good thing. Secondly, we choose one over the other cauz the former is giving instantaneous rewards or just because the first is a much easier way to walk on. But the future is always uncertain. You never know where that choice of yours can lead you to. Honestly speaking, as everyone of us has realized at some point in our lives, we are nothing but the choices we make. I chose to write a blog at this point of time, thats why I'm letting people know whats going on in my mind. You chose to read it, so you wasted 5 precious minutes of your life on this useless thing.

I, like everyone else, am confronted with a lot of choices daily. But as self loathing as it can get, i never embark upon the correct ones. Knowing whats wrong and what right or rather what'll make me happy and what'll sadden me, i seldom choose the correct path. I have in a way found happiness and solace in self contempt. I have found peace with the feeling of not doing anything. Even after knowing that the path I'm walking on wont lead me anywhere, I'm happily toddling on it. Maybe one day I'll die with my dreams buried in my heart. Only because i didn't have enough courage and will to pursue them.

Who is this strange fellow?

A strange thing happened with me today at lunch. I finished my food and went to the wash room to get my hands cleaned. As i was using the wash basin, I saw my face in the mirror, which I normally do. But something was different this time. I noticed someone very familiar and very strange & unknown at the same time. I wasn't able to figure out what exactly i felt at that time.

Have you ever seen yourself closely enough? All of us stand in front of the mirror daily for at least 10 minutes or so . But how many of us have really observed ourselves closely? If you happen to do so some day, maybe you too will experience this weird feeling. It seems as though we are seeing someone whom we don't exactly know. When I saw myself there in the mirror, I thought that if I hadn't been me, how would I have judged this person whom I'm seeing right now? Then suddenly i had a feeling of self confidence and elation ... "Yes, this is how I look ... I'm not that bad after all !! " Believe me, stare at yourself for about 5 minutes in the mirror and see how weird and strange things cross your mind. Things which you normally wont think about, things which maybe, will force you to think.
Believe me ... we dont exactly know ourselves!!!

Intelligent Advertising

Last Saturday I went to Satyam cinemas in Chennai to watch the movie "Kabul Express". Though the expectations weren't too high, the movie turned out to be a good one (Good for me, as I was the one who insisted upon watching the movie against my friends' wish). It was the "Interval" time when I got nature's call and i found myself heading towards the loo. After a minute's break I got an empty slot and without any further delay I got hold of it .The loos are very very crowded during the Intervals I tell you. Unless and untill Its an emergency I always avoid going at that time. And as if the crowd thing wasn't enough, you have 4 people standing on your head, waiting for you to get off. This enormous pressure sometimes makes the whole thing much more difficult for me. It seems likes ages before I'm done ....
Anyways, moving to the main thing about which this post is all about, as i was easing myself standing there i noticed something very intelligently thought of. Just above each of the standing places (this is the way they are in men's loo), right at your eye level, there was a small 40x40 cms area allotted for advertisements. This is one place where its the weakest probability of someone missing the Ad. See how cleverly they have thought about it. They know that whoever comes there will spend a min standing still, staring at the wall ahead of him, and there is no way he'll miss reading the Ad. I was amazed by this innovative idea. Advertising has certainly found new grounds, or one may say "new walls".